Filed under: General Peevery, Wednesday "What the...?" | Tags: annoying, children, drive me up the wall, grating, hipster, meat dress, moustache, nervous breakdown, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, vent, wednesday what the
Come on down, you’re the next contestant on ”Wednesday What the…?”
1. What the… are you selling?
You know what’s almost as annoying as preppy frat boys and sorority girls? Hipsters. Hipsters and their obsession with all things moustache.
moustache candy (etsy seller: vintageconfections)
moustache computer decals (etsy seller: dotvinyl)
moustache iphone cozy (etsy seller: yummypocket)
mounted moustache... ala Papa Smurf (etsy seller: katiecanavan)
moustache pillow (etsy seller: freakyfleece)
moustache soap (etsy seller: servasgschaeft)
moustache taco holder - yes, I said taco holder (etsy seller: urbanantix)
moustache wall decal - in the event you are too much of a commitmentphobe to spring for the mounted version (etsy seller: mustachio)
and, my all time favorite - the mirror moustache... Wow! How'd that get there? (etsy seller: sprocketbox)
I am very worried about this girl. Very worried. She has about 30 beards in her shop - this is one of the more normal colors. I'm almost more worried about the people that buy these beards. We should start a collection. There's a reason why some artists are starving. (etsy seller: imadeyouabeard)
WTF Mr. My Skinny Jeans Don’t Make Me Look Douchey Enough?
- 2. What the… are you wearing?
- When Cher is looking at you funny – you got issues. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
Biggie wants to dress up as Lady GaGa for Halloween.
Biggie: I couldn’t wear the outfit to school. But, I could wear it to the party. She doesn’t have a lot of outfits that would be appropriate though…
Peeved: How about the meat dress?
Biggie: Um, ew, no.
Peeved: Why not? I’m sure an hour into the party you’ll be smelling great.
Biggie: I am NOT putting a steak on my head.
Peeved: Ribeyes are on sale this week…
Biggie: Besides, that is such a waste of good bacon.
So, why did she wear that outfit? “If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights, pretty soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our own bones. And, I am not a piece of meat.” (Source: USA Today) WTF Ms. If You Don’t Want to Be a Piece of Meat Quit Flaunting Your Chicken Cutlets In Everyone’s Face?
3. What the… is that?
- I know it’s hard to read (damn Iphone) but, that sign says “STOP Queefing”
Not long after I wrote the post about my experience with yoga, I was driving in the car with the fam and came to a stop at this stop sign. I don’t know if it was the timing, or my extremely immature sense of humor, but I could not contain myself.
Peeved: Bwahahahahahahahahaha [hitting Mr. Peeved & pointing out the window"]
Mr. Peeved: hahahaha (apparently, his sense of humor is more sophisticated than mine)
Biggie: What? What’s so funny?
Peeved: Bwahahahahahahahahaha [GASP!] Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Mr. Peeved: Really? Biggie, don’t worry about it.
Biggie: Oh, well, what’s so funny? What does “queefing” mean?
Peeved: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! [GASP!] I can’t… [GASP] Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Mr. Peeved: It means farting. Peeved, what the hell is wrong with you?
Peeved: But, it says… Bwahahahahahahahahaha!! [GASP! Wipe away tears...] No, Biggie. It doesn’t mean that. Don’t tell her that, then she’s going to use it around her friends. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!
Mr. Peeved: Okay, fine. Just don’t worry about it, Biggie. And, don’t use it around your friends.
Peeved: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!
Biggie: Um, okay.
Mr. Peeved: Pull yourself together over there! What’s wrong with you?
Peeved: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!
Well, curiousity killed the cat, but it also mortified the mother. Because, Biggie decided to ask everyone she could find at Mr. Peeved’s place of employment what it meant. WTF Am I Supposed To Tell Her?
4. What the… school do you go to?
Umm...
WTF Kind of Moron Are You? Oh, an oxymoron? That makes sense.
5. What the… kind of backwater town are you from?
Maybe that’s their “natural habitat” in North Georgia, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have those wire cages in the forests of Asia. WTF Mr. I Should Catch Up on My Animal Planet Shows?
6. What the… is wrong with you?
On Monday night, Mr. Peeved and I went on a date night. I noticed there was a same side of the booth couple sitting a vew tables away (SO WRONG). I wasn’t at the right angle to get the shot, so I recruited Mr. Peeved to take the picture. Above is the best shot out of a few attempts. This is why Mr. Peeved is not allowed to take pictures. And, why I have absolutely no decent pictures of me and the kids in my photo albums. This is not, contrary to his protests, the fault of the iPhone camera.
Exhibit A:
Honey, that's a great shot of me and Biggie, but next time, you may want to turn the camera the other way. I think the castle is much more memorable than the other tourists to either side of us.
Exhibit B:
What's wrong with an action shot?
When I gave him the camera at Smalls’ birthday party, he loaded it up with 50 action shots – all blurry – of her opening her presents. Are you looking at them as you take them? If it’s blurry, wouldn’t you ask me to change the settings? WTF Mr. I Should Stick To Cooking? Oh well, guess I’ll just have to keep bringing in those photo booth strips as our “family pictures.”
**And, here is the disclaimer where I say Mr. Peeved has many, many talents. Photography is just not one of them. Lucky for me, spoiling me with fancy gadgets like the beautiful Canon I got for Christmas last year, is. Love you, baby!**
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I have to say, I am amazed by your ability to write. I mean, girl, in addition to being perpetually peeved, you are positively prolific. I cannot catch up! I check in once a day, but you are posting – like – a million times a day. (Did you know I am prone to hyberbole? I am prone to hyperbole.) Anyway, this was such a hilarious bloggie, I was laughing out loud on so many levels. I wish wish wish that I could know you in real life. And Biggie and Smalls and Mr. Peeved. But mostly you, because – no lie – before I returned to the classroom, I used to own my own declutttering business that was very lucrative, and I can hardly think of anything more enjoyable than hanging out with you and hearing your musings as I reorganized . . . say . . . your spice drawer. (You do have a spice drawer, don’t you?)
xoxoRASJ
Comment by Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson September 22, 2010 @ 7:35 pmMy uncle was Prolific too but he soon became a citizen. They thought he was gay because of his wife’s moustache. She swears it’s a hormoan(hee hee) thing because her mama made her drink black coffee with milk when she was a little shorty. This was a long blog. Does Mr. Peeved have a good job? Because I never could afford the ink to put up a long blog ceptin once a year or so. Do you get a discount because you buy so much ink to put up a long blog?? We so low rent these days I had to DRAW my picture for the blog because cameras cost so much and use a lot of ink too.
Comment by carldagostino September 22, 2010 @ 8:01 pmI saw those mustache lollipops at Target last week. I certainly was thinking WTF.
Comment by tryityoumightlikeit September 22, 2010 @ 8:19 pmPP, you do have a fascinating life, or is it an odd take on “normality”? I had to google in the first para, I’m so old I thought they meant jeans;
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster
Black coffe with milk!!!! Tell me that’s ben photoshoped, please?
The action shot of smalls is a keeper.
HAND
dave aka gallowaygrave
Comment by Dave Hambidge September 23, 2010 @ 1:47 am“Black coffee with milk.” Classic!
On the question of mustaches, if you’re not Burt Reynolds or Tom Selleck, and you don’t live in the 1970s, then no.
Comment by Todd Pack September 23, 2010 @ 9:12 amHilarious as always!
Comment by Amy September 23, 2010 @ 9:16 amThe whole mustache thing is beyond me. Etsy is in LOVE with them.
Tiger show. (facepalm)
And you already know my thoughts on same side seaters!
“Biggie: Besides, that is such a waste of good bacon.” Smart kid.
Comment by Brooke September 23, 2010 @ 9:31 amAhahahahaah. Sweet baby Haysoos, Emily, you are one funny chick. I just laughed through my tears.
A plus!
Comment by 36x37 September 23, 2010 @ 6:05 pmI need one of those mustache mirrors…now!
Comment by Average Girl September 23, 2010 @ 10:44 pmI thought I had one. Then I realized I need to buy some wax.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 28, 2010 @ 9:46 amI love you for posting that sign.
Comment by katie o. September 23, 2010 @ 11:03 pmThat is all.:)
And, I love you for posting pumpkin bread. Mmm… pumpkin bread.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 28, 2010 @ 9:46 amOK I have to say it, mutton dressed as lamb and lamb dressed as mutton …it’s just classic Hollywood.
Sheez, I hope Cher’s grandkids never get to see…oh wait, never mind, that won’t happen!
Comment by frigginloon September 23, 2010 @ 11:19 pmI’d laugh at the sign, too.
Sometimes the littlest (and most immature things) cause me to laugh uncontrollably.
Comment by thoughtsappear September 24, 2010 @ 8:58 amqueef ….bwhaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Comment by izziedarling September 24, 2010 @ 10:57 amI know, right? How could I NOT laugh?
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 28, 2010 @ 9:47 amAwesome. A few things:
Comment by girl normal September 24, 2010 @ 5:52 pm1. Stop sign = car crash worthy.Thanks for sharing.
2. Lady Gaga: Does she not realize that the meat on our bones is…um…us? If the meat on my bones has no rights, does that mean I don’t either? I’m not catching the distinction there.
3. Black Coffee w/ milk: As a former barrista, i’ll fill you in on the distinction. Its not a very big one, except usually it justifies being able to charge more. Black coffee with milk is…well, just as it sounds. A latte is much fancier and is actually a shot of cappacino in a cup of steamed milk. Different? Not really. At least they are charging the same for them, as usually the distinction serves nothing more than to justify charging more.
Thank you for #3. Because, I was really starting to worry about the state of people’s intelligence.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 28, 2010 @ 9:48 am