Perpetually Peeved


Jr. Peeves

Everyone knows Smalls has a little body and a big personality.  So, what pisses off a 4 year old?  You’d be surprised.

Say what you mean, already!

Smalls’ pre-K class is gathered around for circle time and they start off the activities by playing the alphabet song on the CD player.

Smalls: (sticking fingers in her ears) I am so over this song.

Teacher:  Smalls, what’s the matter?  Why are you sticking your fingers in your ears?

Smalls:  Because, Ms. Teacher, I just don’t get it!

Teacher:  What do you mean “you don’t get it,” Smalls?

Smalls:  Well, I just don’t get it.  Is LMNOP one letter?

Teacher:  No, it’s 5 letters.  (writing on board)  See…  L… M… N… O… P.  Five letters.

Smalls:  Then why do they say it LMNOP, like it’s one letter?

Teacher:  Because it goes with the music of the song.

Smalls: (sticking fingers back in her ears)  Well, that’s just silly.  If it’s five letters, they should have made the music fit five letters!

 

Image from lmnop magazine

 

Never underestimate a four-year-old.

Smalls and my sister-in-law are were walking to the ice cream shop in town the other night.

BabySister: Smalls, you have to hold my hand.

Smalls:  Why, Aunt BabySister?

BabySister:  Because, you know, there are cars on the road and there are strangers…

Smalls:  If I see a stranger, I know what to do.

BabySister:  You do?  What’s your plan?

Smalls:  Well, I would run away as fast I can and I would climb a tree and I would hang upside down like a sloth and then they wouldn’t even know what to do!

BabySister:  Hmm… good plan.

 

photo courtesy of brazilianfauna.com

 

Don’t try to label me.

Driving home from work on our nightly commute together, I usually ask Smalls about her day…

Peeved:  So, what did you do today?

Smalls:  We learned about animal doctors.

Peeved:  Oh, that’s fun.  Would you like to be an animal doctor when you grow up?

Smalls:  No, when I grow up, I’m going to be Smalls.

Peeved:  No, I mean, what do you want to do as your job when you get older, Smalls?

Smalls:  Job?  I don’t want to WORK!

Peeved:  Well, most people have to work.  If you have to work, what would you want to do.

Smalls:  I want to be a colorer and a painter… NOT an “artist”!

Peeved:  Well, good.  Because being an artist isn’t a job anyway.

 

photo of a Pollack from ibiblio.org

 

Are you there God?  It’s me, Smalls.

Smalls:  Mommy…  God makes everything, right?

Peeved:  Yes, honey, God made everything in the world.

Smalls:  Then, why did God make me a human?

Peeved:  Because, you were a gift to mommy and daddy and we are humans.

Smalls:  But, I really wanted to be a cheetah!  I didn’t ask to be a human!

Peeved:  Well, I’m sorry honey.  That’s how God made you.

(silence for about 3 minutes…)

Smalls:   Mommy… God is in heaven, right?

Peeved:  Right.

Smalls:  And when you say prayers, they go up to heaven, right?

Peeved:  Yes.

Smalls:  And God is supposed to hear your prayers and answer them, right?

Peeved:  Yes.

Smalls:  (tearing up and whining) Well, then, how come every night I pray that I will wake up as a cheetah and every morning I’m still a stinky human!??

Peeved: Um… (stifling laughter)

kids courtesy of Peeved, cheetah courtesy of... God?

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39 Comments so far
Leave a comment

you really are going to be in trouble in a few years aren’t you…she sounds hilarious as a 4 year old, as a 15 year old…not so sure!

Comment by thelifeofjamie

Dude, this kid is so much smarter than me it’s not even funny!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

First of all, welcome back to the blogosphere, perpetuallypeeved! Second, I’m always amazed at the things kids think about and obsess over. The cheetah thing is too cute. Also, the sloth strategy.

Comment by Todd Pack

Thank you Todd! I’ve missed you all. I swear, if you could hire four year olds they would make great marketers… oh, the imagination!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Hey, there you are! Was beginning to wonder.

Brilliant observation about the Alphabet Song. I mean, they didn’t even make up a new tune, they just stole it from Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Lazy.

I’m gonna have to remember her plan when I next encounter a stranger. If they think you are too crazy to steal from, then it just might work.

Comment by Amy

I’m sorry. I was abducted by alien zombies. Jealous?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

She’s a very smart little girl. Makes you wonder – kids really do make more sense than adults some times. They make everything sound so easy.

Can’t argue with her sloth impersonation plan. Yelling “Stranger Danger” is much too easy.

Comment by Denise

What stranger would want a smart-ass four year old anyway? ;)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Hurray! You’re back! I missed you.

Smalls is awesome!

Comment by thoughtsappear

I know! I have a lot of catching up to do. I think she’s pretty awesome myself. :)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Hello there! Smalls is big on female logic…

Comment by Dave Hambidge

Is that so? Then why, Mr. Smarty Pants, does God not make her a cheetah?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Ask God yourself, she don’t speak to me.

Comment by Dave Hambidge

My son and daughter both thought LMNOP was one letter at first. My son told me the other day that he wants to be a lazy person when he grows up because he doesn’t want to do anything. I’ve got to wonder what that generation is going to be like.

Comment by tryityoumightlikeit

Hey, he may just invent the next Facebook. Honestly, how’s THAT guy spending his days?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

The Book of Smalls… she has some valid points. :)

Comment by Brooke

She is very hard to argue with, indeed. :)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Welcome back! Your daughter is so cute – I love the way she thinks!

Comment by Jenni

Thanks Jenni! I’ve missed y’all!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Glad you made it back, Jr noticed the last time we went to the museum that there is a no macaroni collages. So there is a market for that as well.

Comment by 1sttime0ffender

Hmm… I may just have a talent after all. ;)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I miss the good old days when my kids would say and do cute things… :)

Comment by TheIdiotSpeaketh

Seriously. I think I have to have Biggies eyeballs surgically removed from the top of her orbital socket.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

You just inspired me to blog the conversation my son and I had that started about what he learned in Health class (about HIV/AIDS testing) which suddenly devolved into the meta-question: So you and daddy had sex before you were married, then?

Um… Err. ;-)

Comment by Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson

Oh, do tell! ;)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I don’t think waking up a cheetah is that much to ask.

Comment by omawarisan

Me either. Except, I’d want to be a sloth.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

this is so cute, kids say the funniest things!

Comment by tinkerbelle86

Hi Tinker! Welcome and thank you.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Love this!! So glad to be back on blogging and even happier to see how active you’ve been. Missed reading your stuff!!

Comment by pbandchutney

I’ve missed you to PBC! Pesky personal stuff getting in the way… sheesh! Thanks for the reblog – it’s a first for me. :)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

[…] Everyone knows Smalls has a little body and a big personality.  So, what pisses off a 4 year old?  You'd be surprised. Say what you mean, already! Smalls' pre-K class is gathered around for circle time and they start off the activities by playing the alphabet song on the CD player. Smalls: (sticking fingers in her ears) I am so over this song. Teacher:  Smalls, what's the matter?  Why are you sticking your fingers in your ears? Smalls:  Because, … Read More […]

Pingback by Jr. Peeves (via Perpetually Peeved) « Because chutney goes with everything!

I soooooo missed you. When a kid leads you with a bunch the answer is yes questions they are going to hit you with one whose answer is going to contradict all your previous answers. The old leading the witness set-up trap. I still feel the same way about lmnop just like my favority number, elevendy. Cosby did a routine on elevendy.

Comment by carldagostino

Every parent dreads the day a child begins asking those two classic theological questions: ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ and ‘Why God didn’t make me a cheetah?’.

Comment by The Good Greatsby

I always enjoy the way you write dialog. :)

Comment by shoutabyss

Does Smalls have an agent? I need the number so I can book her for my next seminar — “Why Acronyms are Stupid.” I suspect she’d have something to say on the subject.

Comment by Blogdramedy

I like the sloths plan – and LMNOP? Smalls has a point.
Perhaps it’s time to prepare your book – S**t my Smalls says. Possibly that’s not the best title, but it’s worked for someone else.

Comment by blackwatertown

This is Peeved Lady’s last post March 11. Where is the Peeved Lady? I have had to work double shifts to keep the blogoshere entertained due to her absence.

Comment by carldagostino

She is, hands down, the coolest kid EVER!!!!!

Comment by izziedarling




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