Perpetually Peeved


10 Things I learned in Texas

1.  Cockroaches and scrunchies.  When the world is over and the rest of us have been nuked to smithereens, there will still be cockroaches and scrunchies.

We can only pray that all the pink sundresses burn in the infernos.

2.  Not everyone can be good at geography.

Now I know why when people ask me where I'm from and I say "Long Island" they say - "Oh, New Jersey?" And, um, P.S. it's shaped like a fish, not a loaf of bread you accidently loaded the milk on top of.

 

3.  I am in Texas, right?  I thought you could carry a gun to Kindergarten in Texas.

Does the NRA know about this? Get Heston on the line, pronto.

4.  Cowboy boots are cool (and so am I).

Text exchange between me & Biggie…

Peeved:  I’m in Texas, what kind of souvenir do you want?

Biggie:  Cool Texas.  Bring me back either a v-neck t-shirt or some other cool thing

Peeved:  Cowgirl hat?

Biggie:  Nooooooo.  I have one. ummmm a cool back pack or something.

Biggie:  No…  I want a cute pair of heels!

Peeved:  How about a bright yellow pair of cowgirl boots?

Biggie:  Yes please.

Peeved:  Would you really wear them?

Biggie: Heck Yes.

Peeved:

Biggie:  Amazing!  I would so wear them.

Peeved:  You know I picked them out, right?  And that I think they’re cool, right?  Biggie…  This is MY daughter, Biggie, right?…

5.  Yep, everything is bigger in Texas all right.

Yes, folks, it is possible for a Shar-Pei and a human to breed. Put. It. Away.

6.  No, they are not paying you enough to wear that outfit.

At first I thought it was just your average atrocity. Then, I realized it was a uniform at one of those tourist dens down on the Riverwalk. Honey... ask for a raise. You certainly ain't going to make a living on tips in that getup.

7.  These people are one degree and five steps away from going rabid and ripping each others carotids out.

A) It’s 100 degrees outside

B) They have no stroller

C) They are wearing blue jeans

D) They are on a “family” vacation

I would have hung around for the show, but I didn’t want to get blood on my good shoes.

8.  It is actually possible to get sick of Mexican food.

There are only so many enchiladas a person can eat. Margaritas, on the other hand, I could drink for breakfast, lunch & dinner.

9.  Even the most comfortable shoes suck after an hour of walking.

These boots may be made for walking, but none of my shoes were. Thank goodness I brought the Pumas!

10.  Hot goose poop rivals two-day dead skunk for most offensive odor on the planet.

It only looks idyllic and odor-free.

For those of you who have been worried about me – thank you.  Smalls’ starts Kindergarten in a month, Biggie got a Facebook page and God finally gave us a puppy.  I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot of me in the near future.  ;)


19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

It has been very difficult for Renee and I to keep EVERYONE entertained in your absence. The canary skin boots are hot.

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

Thank you Carl! I owe you a virgin margarita. (I’ll make Renee’s a double)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

People keep saying cowboy boots are really comfortable, but I own a pair, and they’re not, at all.

P.S. Can’t decide if it’s the angle and/or the lens or whether that’s just a friggin’ huge margarita.

Comment by Todd Pack

Ha ha… see item #5 – it’s a HUGE margarita. ;)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I am so sorry to hear about the puppy. You poor thing! Love your list!

Comment by thelifeofjamie

100 degrees and jeans on the riverwalk? They had to be making their own gravy walking along there.

Comment by omawarisan

Texas is definitely another world. But the people are friendly even if they wear curlers and a robe to go grocery shopping. Enjoy your trip!

Comment by tryityoumightlikeit

Hi!!

Comment by Dave Hambidge

I missed your blog! Glad you are well. Loved number 5.

Comment by iamcalm

I would love the opportunity to find out that it is possible to get sick of Mexican food.
Can’t wait to hear about the puppy!

Comment by Amy

Seriously, Carl and I were among the worried! Glad to know you were in Texas! By the way, it was a comfortable 83 degrees here today but my mom was here so you could have gotten blood on your shoes. As a general rule, I think people should be careful where they walk.

Comment by Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson

You’re back. Good. I missed the sarcasm. :-)

Comment by Blogdramedy

PEEVED! You were in TX? I was in San Antonio last week! AT THAT EXACT SPOT! I mean the Convention Center and Riverwalk.

Comment by thoughtsappear

I’ve missed you too! Gotta update my subscriptions here. :)

Comment by Bonnie

Not only did I expect to be allowed to carry a gun into a kindergarten in Texas, I was expecting to be required to carry a gun.

Comment by The Good Greatsby

This is hilarious! I The Shar-pie/human pro-creation was comical!

Comment by whatsnormality

You’re not in Kansas anymore :(

Comment by frigginloon

The thing about cowboy boots is they’re only comfortable when you’re wearing long socks. I used to wear them all the time, and that’s how you do it. Of course, you’ll look like an absolute dork in a pair of shorts, but where I come from, only women wear cowboy boots with shorts on. Seriously, guys don’t do this, so you can’t see their knee-high boot socks. Personally, I like the black steel-toed square tipped boots with the ring stirrup on the side. They’re great for kickin cows when they don’t want to go into the shoot to have their yarbles chopped off.

Comment by writerdood

Happy New Year. You are deeply missed. Hope you are well and terrorizing people with wit and sarcasm. Happy New Year.

Comment by Carl D'Agostino




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