Perpetually Peeved

How to curse like a big girl

Did he just say what I think he said?

When you become a parent, one of the most irritating adjustments you have to make is to not curse in front of the children.  It completely sucks, but you become used to it and find yourself getting really annoyed with people that can’t manage to keep their mouth clean in front of the kids.  I mean, the occasional slip, fine.  No, honey – mommy said “truck.”  But, if I just told you two seconds ago that I don’t want my two-year-old to tell all her daycare buddies about the cool “shit” she did last weekend, then you should be able to get a grip and curb the cussing.  In other words, watchyerfuckinlanguage.

Some moms insist on coming up with euphemisms for curse words.  To me, this is the equivalent of drinking decaf coffee.  What’s the point?  What really drives me batty is when the kids aren’t around and the mom still uses the euphemism.  If you’re at work and your computer freaks out and deletes everything you just worked on for 3 hours are you really satisfied when you yell, “Oh FUDGE!?”  Do you know who you sound like when you drop something and say, “oh, poop” or “cheese and crackers?”  The people you used to make fun of back when you were cool, that’s who.

My old carpool buddy and I used to wait until the moment the tires left the pavement of the daycare driveway – then, it was on.  We would unleash a torrent of filth so fabulous it would put Clark Griswold to shame.  We devised our own despicable language (pig latin is for wusses) that involved dropping f bombs in the middle of every other word.  Someone cut us off?  Absofuckinglutely unfuckingbelievable!  And that, bitches, is how it’s done.

10 Comments so far
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Comment by Amy

I absofuckinglutely have some learning to do on this topic. This is going to be my child’s first word at the rate I’m going! 🙂 By the way, the picture for today is fuckingawesome!

Comment by Laughing hysterically

Yeah, she’s my mini-peever. She’s got my scowl, that’s for sure! 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Hallefuckingluiah! By the way sorry for all curse words I’ve taught your children over the years, two seconds after you’ve just asked me to stop swearing!

Comment by JAY-O

Ya gotta be careful. It has long lasting effects on a growing kid. I am recovering alcoholic(8 yrs clean/sober). The first word out of my mouth was gook-gook which is Sicilian- American baby talk for cookie. The second thing out of my mouth was “Hey Harry, let me run a tab for my drinks till payday, Friday.” So you see what this can lead to.

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

Funny. And, no doubt. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating cursing in front of the kids. Quite the opposite! 🙂 I just think if you are going to curse at all you should do it right – and out of earshot from the munchkins.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Holy crap that is awesome. No really. Thank effin heavens I don’t have kids. It would be ugly.

Comment by katie o.

What about those that swear (no pun intended) up and down they have no idea where their kid got it from. Come on!

Love the blog!

Comment by Laurie

Re youformizisms: Good Lord Amercy and Upon My Word(old South), Mary(Shakespeare), Well I’ll be John Brown(Archaic African American), Egads( Old English and Charlie Brown), Gee Whiz and Shucks(rural corn growing America), ES & D, WTF, KMA, HF,HS (contemporary America) GDF-IRS(self explanatory)

Comment by carldagostino

Ah – why bother? I’ll save it for the moments of solitude (or adult company) when I can let the real stuff fly!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

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