Filed under: General Peevery | Tags: annoying, boysenberry syrup, critics, drive me up the wall, food network, foodies, grating, nervous breakdown, padma lakshmi, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, vent, yelp
I have this random hatred for Yelpers. Well, specifically Yelpers who write inane restaurant reviews. It seems like everyone these days is a food critic. Now, I love food. I eat like it’s going out of style. I have to warn waiters that I’m going to order like an idiot, lest they think I have a party of 4 joining me. I have to admit, I critique the food. Of course I do. I just don’t open up a Yelp account about it. Because here’s the thing… while I love to eat, I can’t cook a thing. I can’t boil water without it spilling all over the stove. So, who am I to criticize someone publicly for not having enough citrus in their endive salad? Shit, I wouldn’t be able to find endive in the farmer’s market if you paid me a million bucks.
What really pisses me off about these self-proclaimed “foodies” is they feel the need to rate things and rip shit apart when they themselves couldn’t even come close to creating what they’re critiquing. It’s a freaking epidemic – watch Food Network and all of a sudden you’re an expert. It’s like Padma Lakshmi cloned herself and instructed them all to start Yelp accounts. Where the hell did she come from and what does she know about cooking?
The worst is when people post a review and it starts something like this, “Haven’t been to this restaurant yet…” Wait. What?? You haven’t even been there and you have an opinion? Good gravy people, haven’t you heard opinions are like assholes? Yes, everybody has one – it doesn’t mean the world wants to see it or hear it.
Here’s an idea… did you go to eat someplace? Was it edible? Was it maybe even good (just not “perfect”)? Did you not have to make it your damn self? Yes? Then quit your bitching! That’s 5 stars in my book.
Or, better yet, how about they make Yelp comments reciprocal? “Yes, my endive needed a bit more citrus, but this douchebag had 3 too many drinks, talked with his mouth full, stuck his friend with more than his share of the bill and tipped like shit to boot.” Only seems fair to me.
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