Perpetually Peeved

Does this truck make my penis look big?

Let’s just say this again ladies, because in typical male fashion – they aren’t listening!  Men, you are not fooling anyone.  Enough with these complexes already.  Let’s call this one Pinocchio syndrome.  Men with Pinocchio syndrome think that driving around in a super-pimp ride is going to make their schlongs grow.  A Porsche is not Rogaine for the penis.  

See, there is a theorem that all women innately know:  

P – In = C + D   

Where C = Flashy Car/Truck and D = Douchebag Attitude.  I think you can figure out the other half of the equation.  This, like all mathematical equations, can work in the reverse as well.  Point being, if you drive a flashy car or act like a douchebag, we are going to assume you’re trying to make up for something.  Because at the end of the day, the only big dick around here is you. 

At the McDonald's drive-in this morning. Oh baby, if the "Play Time" and attractive Ram on the back didn't get me going, those tires sure did. Classic fucktard.

PS – I’m going to give a little props to Pop over at Go, Pop, Go! for introducing me to the word “schlort” – as in schlong + short.  It’s going on my list of new faves.

8 Comments so far
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How about when they squeal their tires when pulling out of the Golden Pantry parking lot? If that doesn’t make the girls swoon, I don’t know what will.
Love “fucktard” too! I use it all the time and its wonderful to see that others appreciate it as well. So descriptive. As is “shlort”! Adding that one to my repertoire as well.

Comment by Amy

Yep, nothing says sexy like a peel out! Oh, except maybe when they have the brand name plastered all over the side of the car or the windshield. Really, a Mustang? What are you doing tonight?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I agree with your assessment of men and the stupid truck thing. But I take issue with you knocking us Italians. Pinocchio was a good Italian kid. His story is unappreciated and undervalued by the alleged literary elite who are all communists. The story of Pinocchio introduces the child to the concept of the epic hero, a foundation for all ancient cultures. On his journey he follows the pattern precisely: dissatisfaction, a dreamer, an adventurer, tragedy, humiliation, tempered by misfortune, acceptance, renewal and later an emergence as an embodiment of the indomitable human spirit. He represents the new Adam and the resurrection of optimism as the engine for human progress.

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

It’s also my opinion that men who try to be intellectually deep do so because it’s the only deep they can truly aspire to. Thanks for visiting D’Ag.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved


Comment by Carl D'Agostino

Oh, come on, you asked for it. 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

The truck replaced the Corvette as penis substitute.

Comment by izziedarling

Yes! The Camaro is out too. That was the big one in my day – an IROC to be precise. I’m glad about the Corvette though, because Momma wants a Stingray convertible – white with red leather interior, please.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

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