Filed under: Consumer / Retail | Tags: annoying, bagels, cream cheese, customer service, drive me up the wall, Einstein Brothers, food, grating, JUST SPREAD THE MFing CREAM CHEESE ON THE BAGEL ALREADY!, nervous breakdown, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, shmear, vent
Dear Einstein Brothers Bagels Corporate Office:
I am writing you today with a serious concern. I am a regular patron of your fine establishment at XXX in XXX and firmly believe that your bagels are the best to be had outside of the state of New York. However, I am deeply disturbed by the lack of attention to a very important matter concerning the distribution of cream cheese. I regularly get a bagel to-go and eat in the car en route to my destination. I have, on many occasion, almost gotten into serious automobile accidents because I was trying to use one half of my bagel to get the cream cheese out of the hole your workers scooped it in and spread it evenly onto my bagel – THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. Now, I was willing to forgive you calling the cream cheese something that sounds like what I have done at the OBGYN’s office. But, if you are not going to actually shmear the “shmear” than you need to clear up the misnomer – perhaps you could call it “scoop.”
Sincerely,
Perpetually Peeved
Dear Perpetually Peeved,
I am sorry for your inconvenience. We use scoops at our XXX in XXX location to ensure portion control. I have brought this matter to the Manager’s attention. If you prefer your cream cheese to be spread evenly on your bagel, please feel free to ask at the counter when placing your order.
Thank you,
Corporate BS-er
Einstein Brothers Bagels
FIRST — Okay, yeah, right. I’m going to ASK after you told them I wrote this letter. Oh, look, it’s the shmear lady – let’s put a little something extra in hers.
SECOND — WTF? That’s the best you could come up with? For the love of Pete – LIE TO ME!!! Tell me you are going to fix it. Throw in a coupon. What ever happened to customer service!?
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Perpetually Peeved 
“something that sounds like what I have done at the OBGYN’s office”
Great!!! Now I might accidentally call it a pap schmear next time.
I too love Einstein’s, but this was an exchange on one visit:
Comment by Pop May 19, 2010 @ 10:23 amMe: “An everything bagel with salmon cream cheese, please.”
Employee: “You mean a schmear?”
Me: “Uhhhh, cream cheese.”
E: “Schmear?”
This went on for at least a minute.
Sorry Pop. I don’t think I’ll be making the same mistake, though. Like most women, that is something I would never ask for. Suprisingly, not a lot of geniuses working at the Einstein’s. 🙂
Comment by perpetuallypeeved May 20, 2010 @ 10:15 amI know this has been quite an ordeal for you PP!
Comment by livingdilbert May 19, 2010 @ 10:29 amThey don’t have time to provide you with decent customer service, they are probably too busy reporting you to your car insurance, those crooked little forks.
Comment by Amy May 19, 2010 @ 8:58 pmDamn straight, it’s like having to dig for the friggin pickle in your Whopper!!!
Comment by frigginloon May 20, 2010 @ 12:36 amReally? You have to ask to have the cream cheese shmeared? I thought that was a given.
Comment by thoughtsappear May 20, 2010 @ 8:15 amI KNOW! RIGHT?
Comment by perpetuallypeeved May 20, 2010 @ 10:17 am