Filed under: General Peevery, Parenting | Tags: annoying, cleaning, drive me up the wall, grating, housecleaning, housekeeping, mother, nervous breakdown, parenthood, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, Unless you're making me a drink don't walk on that floor!, vent
Biggie and Smalls must be going out for their STA (Secret Torture Agent) merit badges this week. The fact that I have any hair on my head left is shocking. Thank goodness for stiff drinks.
Today, it was the dreaded cleaning day. I am, for the record, domestically diabled and allergic to dust, cleaning products and anything that requires me to move around a lot. So, let’s just say I’m never enthusiastic about having to clean.
This is not my peeve. I know it has to be done, I do it (every once in a while once I have procrastinated to the point where I think someone may call Child Protective Services if I don’t mop my floors). Here lies the rub: I can spend hour upon hour spic’ing and span’ing until the floors shine brighter than Mr. Clean’s head with a sunburn and it takes Biggie and Smalls mere minutes to undo it all.
“Where did that Picachu come from? What do you mean the bottom of your toy box?”
“No, you can’t have popcorn. I don’t care if you’re starving.”
“Well, hold it. I just cleaned that toilet.”
“FOR THE EIGHTIETH TIME, DON’T WALK ON THAT FLOOR!”
It’s a compulsion that is impossible for them to resist. It’s like handing someone a blank notebook and a pen and telling them not to write anything. Smalls especially has a problem, even when she was a baby she would only poop in a fresh diaper. There’s only one solution. I’ve got to get out of here quick. Need to take the STA’s to Walmart to spend that bribe money and finally stop holding it.
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Perpetually Peeved 
For the love of god, don’t do it!!! Trust me it will only lead to broken fingernails and ungrateful scone stealers walking over your nicely cleaned floors.
Comment by frigginloon May 24, 2010 @ 2:42 amAfter my weekend I can totally relate. Why can’t there be self cleaning homes? Have a good week x
Comment by Mindless Rambler May 24, 2010 @ 6:11 amOoohh… and self-cleaning cars!! They should make disappearing french fries – you know, like how stitches just dissolve after a week or so. My car would smell so much nicer that way.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved May 24, 2010 @ 11:16 amI love the nicknames you gave your kids! I just hope they don’t run into dogs, Tu and Pac anywhere near Vegas.
I hate cleaning products as well. Anything that smells too chemically gives me an instant headache. I tend to try and use dish soap for everything.
I like your writing style, it’s analogy heavy like mine!
Comment by Scott Oglesby May 24, 2010 @ 10:52 amThanks Scott! I like your writing style too (that’s why you are on the blogroll)! No worries, I will NEVER bring the kids to Vegas – they’re a major buzz kill. 🙂
Comment by perpetuallypeeved May 24, 2010 @ 10:56 amI love Joan Rivers quote on the subject of housework !!!
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again”
Comment by duncanr May 24, 2010 @ 1:20 pmPeople are supposed to be supporting the consumer economy to come out of the recession. So when my car is almost gas empty I just buy a new one. Therefore when your house gets messy…
Comment by carldagostino June 21, 2010 @ 8:02 pm[…] no fairy godmothers showing up to my parties, my adventures in housekeeping leave me pleading to my husband to let someone else come over and do the work. My husband is the […]
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