Perpetually Peeved

What? I can’t hear you – I have a drill bit in my ear

What’s worse than someone drilling into your ears with a Mikita?  Someone NOT drilling into your ears with a Mikita and subjecting you to the musical selections of a pre-teen girl.  Please, put me out of my misery.  It’s like someone came up with a checklist:

Repeat the same verse over and over and over and over and over – CHECK!  AleAlejandro AleAlejandro… tonight’s gonna be a good night, tonight’s gonna be a good night… baby baby baby oohhh it’s like baby baby baby oohhh. (Everyone knows that children don’t listen to you unless you repeat yourself over and over and over and over.)

Misspell Words – CHECK! T, to the A, to the S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty… (Hey, who cares if you made it past second grade, they’re singing YOUR song.)

Make Up Words – CHECK! Flossy, flossy (Can’t spell?  There’s a simple fix.  Make up your own words and no one can tell you you’re spelling them wrong.)

Get children to sing about inappropriate adult situations they should know nothing about – CHECK! Shorty is an eenie, meenie, minie moe lover… can’t read my, can’t read my, no you can’t read my poker face… London, London bridge is falling down… (The more nursery rhymes you can fit in, the better.  Everyone should pick their lovers the same way they pick their candy.  It’s important to have a good poker face when lying to your parents.  You mean she’s not talking about the bridge in London?  What is she talking about… oh… oh… what??)

Rhyme words that do not end with the same sound – CHECK! Sometimes I feel like I live in Grand Central Station, tonight I’m not takin’ no calls ’cause I’ll be dancin’… (If you pretend like you’re foreign or have a lisp, it is so much easier to rhyme. Oh, and a double negative always works if you need some extra syllables.)

Say your name in the song so they don’t forget who you are – CHECK! Jason Derulo!…  Ga Ga!… (In case they can’t read the posters, t-shirts, screensavers and myriad overpriced marketing materials they begged their parents for, you should say your name in the lyrics – maybe even more than once, they tend not to listen the first time.)

Some GENIUS (and I am, for once, not being sarcastic when I use this word), came out with this:  It will erase Justin Beiber from the web for you.  Um, does that come in Fergie and Lady Ga Ga?

Please, help… don’t forget your drill!

11 Comments so far
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I think these things daily when I hear the same songs on repeat coming from my 10 and 13 year old daughters bedrooms and it sure makes me cringe to hear them singing “I want your vertical stick”!

Comment by Mindless Rambler

What do you mean? It isn’t “vertical stick” – it’s “vertigo stick” – you know, cousin to the “disco stick” – I think it’s that thing that they win at cheerleading competitions – oh no, wait, that’s a spirit stick… [insert pre-teen sized eyeroll here] I feel ya!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Don’t forget “I want your ugly, I want your disease”!…..At least when we were kids the lyrics were up front about it. “I Want Your Sex”, “Like a Virgin”, “Let’s Talk About Sex”….There was no doubt about when to turn the dial. I guess nowadays these so called “artists” need to be a little more vague inspiring tweens, (and their parents), to “google” their lyrics, which undoubtedly bolsters their web presence. Oh God, I sound old! I think I skipped being just like my mother and went straight to Grandma!

Comment by JAY-O

How about “I Wanna Sex You Up?” No interpretation there either. Rat bastards probably are trying to bolster Google and YouTube hits. I wish I went straight to Grandma – at least she’s deaf.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I have no young people local, so I’m delighted to say I have no personal experience of this torture!

Comment by Dave Hambidge

I have one you can borrow… actually, I’d pay you to take her if you let her bring her ipod.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Kind offer, but after due consideration for 2 minutes, FFS, NO!!!

Comment by Dave Hambidge

Well, you can’t blame me for trying. Off to your blog to figure out what the heck FFS means!? 🙂 For F’ing Sure? Now I’m intrigued.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Oh, you’re devious! Just when you think there’s nothing worse than hearing your kid sing along to these craptastic songs…..there it is….the ipod….which means you get to listen to her singing them without the benefit of the pulsing beat that drowns out the fact that she’s tone deaf! Yes, I’ll take the drill bit too!

Comment by JAY-O

The upside: you’ve got tweens – you CANNOT imagine what my people listen to … well, take that back, you probably can …..

Comment by izziedarling

can i make things worse? alejandro is just a rip off of an old ace of base song. now go live with that! i’ve been suffering with that now for at least 3 weeks. oh and by the way, we get it lady gaga, you can roll your r’s. now go away.

Comment by katie o.

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