Perpetually Peeved

To-do or not To-do – How ’bout F.U.?

The only thing keeping pace with my expanding waistline is the ever-growing to-do list on my desk at home.  I swear it’s like gerbils.  You start with one and  – BAM! – immaculate conception – and there’s 30 the next time you look.  One thing leads to another and for each thing you cross off there are five more things to take its place.

You know what I feel like doing?  I feel like telling my to-do list to go shit in a hat.

Medical reimbursement forms – Really?  I have to print something out and sign it and put a stamp on it?  I can FB chat with my long-lost cousin who lives in an igloo in Alaska but the doctor’s office can’t electronically tell the insurance company that I got my eyes examined?  Hey vision plan, go sharpen a pencil, hold it in your hand real tight and go run some hurdles!

Comcast cancellation – Yes, Comcast, you suck.  You suck my time, you suck my energy and you suck my money straight out of my account.  I’m done with you.  Done.  Don’t try to offer me free HBO for 10 years or re-bundle my plan to trick me back into your lair.  I quit you.  So take your modem, your broken remotes that are never where I need them, and your lousy-ass cable box that always cuts out right in the middle of Glee and shove them all where the sun don’t shine! 

Back-to-school doctor’s exams – The kids are fine.  They aren’t bleeding, they aren’t crying and there are no protruding bones.  Why do I have to take them to the doctor?  So the school can have a sheet of paper?  So you can charge me a $95 “administrative” fee in addition to my co-pay and then tell me my kids need immunizations that you don’t provide because the insurance doesn’t pay you back and you can send me to the local health clinic where I can spend my entire day off waiting around with a bunch of people who don’t have health insurance so that my kid can get a shot and come out bleeding and crying?  No thank you.  How ’bout you stick that vaccination in your eye?  Because, I’d rather do that than waste my day making my kids cry.  I can do that on my own for much less money. 

Back to school shopping – No.  Please, God.  I’ll do anything.  Don’t make me take Biggie shopping.  Don’t.  I’ll be a good girl.  I promise.  Crap!  Fine then.  Hey, Abercrombie, Justice, American Eagle, Gap, Payless, why don’t you light a match and see how fast the toxic fume cloud from all the perfume you spray on your clothes goes up in flames?  It probably wouldn’t burn as fast as my money when I have to shop in your over-priced, stinky, loud, ill-staffed store.

Budget – We’ve had this talk before, budget.  It’s time for you to be more independent.  I shouldn’t have to watch you all the time.  It’s time for you to grow.  I’ve set up all the Excel formulas, all the direct deposits, all the automatic bill-pays.  Why can’t you handle this.  Must I do everything myself?  What do you mean I have to stop buying so many shoes?  What do you mean by “no more vintage dresses?”  We’re going to have issues budget.  Real issues.  Pack up your minuses and your red cells, get on your bathing suit and take a long walk off a short pier.  Because, I’m not doing without new shoes.  No way.  No how.

This is what it will look like when I'm to-done with it!

There, that’s better.  You should try it.  What to-do f.u. do you have?

17 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Have a Nice Day seems to risk pushing my luck…

Comment by davehambo

ha ha ha. Sorry, today was more rantish than usual. HAND everyone!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I feel the same way about back-to-school shopping. I’m doing it online this year.

Comment by tryityoumightlikeit

I would do that if my kid wasn’t so dang picky (no idea where she gets it from). I love your blog. It looks yummy. I’m going to vicariously cook through you, okay?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Medical bills. Compairing the bill I got from the doctor to what my health insurance says I should have to pay. It’s inevitably wrong, and I have to get the doctor to correct it and resubmit it through my insurance. Now, multiply that by 5 cause whenever you (or your husband in this case, god love him) go to the hospital, everyone who ever set eyes on you or breathes in your direction bills you separately.
Kill me now.

Comment by Amy

Paperwork does seem to build up grow continually doesn’t it? I’m still carrying around paperwork from last month that needs filing. As always, I love your hilarious spin on things!! 🙂

Comment by Bonnie

School supply shopping is NO FUN anymore. Now the kids all have to have the same color folders and binders, etc. It bothers me. Lots.

Comment by amyblam

Amy, you’re like me, aren’t you? You buy the big pack of assorted colored sharpees every year just because you NEED them, don’t you?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Medical statements are the worst! I agree…NOTHING ever adds up! The Doc billed $100…..the Insurance paid $36…..MY portion of the bill is $93….WTF?!!!

Comment by The Idiot Speaketh

The IRS stuff that H R Blockhead did has got me going on now with the IRS for 6 months. My file is now 2 1/2 inches thick. I mean, how can you mess up a simple 1040A form? Just one two sided form! Have called IRS 7 times and have spent 1 1/2 hours each time and I can’t get it fixed. Surprisingly, I must say the IRS agents have all been very kind, patient and helpful. They were nicer than all my doctors and they owe me $2,200 not vice versa and I can’t get it resolved and they can stuff that serenity prayer, that Yogi Berra stuff, with the breathing in that place that I can’t say because I am a Presbyterian. My life looks like that wad of paper above. And the interest is being compounded. That cursed Woodrow Wilson got this income tax passed in 1916 and as soon as Uncle Sal puts the finishing touches on his time machine…

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

Let me tell you something about the IRS… they employ my crazy mother. That should say enough.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

All those go in my Amy Sedaris Fuckit Bucket

Comment by izziedarling

What is that and where do I get mine?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Love, love, love it! I had forward it to my mom! Comcast, you do suck!

Comment by lilmisscali

Do you know how long that phone conversation was? An hour and 20 minutes, and guess what? We STILL have Comcast. Ugh.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I think they have the worlds greatest con-men/women working there customer service at Comcast! Some how we cut them loose! Once we cancelled finally, they told us that they were going to charge us $300 for their cable boxes if we didn’t send them back! Like I want your Cable Box! If I knew how to piracte cable I wouldn’t be bothering with your stupid service at all!

Comment by lilmisscali

BACK TO SCHOOL SHOTS: Lemme give ya another perspective. How about a school system(Miami) flooded with kids from Haiti and other very poor nations of Central America and the Caribbean and economically deprived US that have NEVER had “baby ” shots or any medical attention? Many are children of illegals. Won’t apply for services out of fear repatriation. How about YOUR kid surrounded by tuberculosis, hepatitis and a 1 in 3 HIV positive population? Scary huh? Then there’s head lice, constant cold infected population, etc.

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

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