Perpetually Peeved

Come se dice “SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE”

I have a problem.  Okay, I have a lot of problems.  The one I’ll focus on today is my absolute inability to tune something or someone out once they have gotten into my head.  I don’t know when I developed this problem.  It must have been sometime since the onset of my OCD.  Yes, after watching 3 episodes of Obsessed on A&E, I am quite certain I have a touch of this disease.  As a matter of fact, I also have a twinge of Tourette’s and a dash of ADD.  So, most days you can hear me say, “shitdamnfuck, shitdamnfuck, shitdamnfuck, oh, look pretty shoes…”   

Which reminds me, I need to use that DSW birthday coupon by the end of the month.

Today, I was sitting in my office minding my own business when down the hall I hear some voices.  Which, ordinarily, I wouldn’t mind.  Except, these were very loud voices.  Very loud Spanish voices accompanied by very loud obnoxious laughter.  Well, it’s three for one day for me.  Too bad I’m not talking about shoes.  Apparently someone decided to have a fiesta in the hallway and I wasn’t invited.   

This happens to me all the time. The worst is when I finally get a date night with my husband and we go to a restaurant we’ve been waiting to try.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I like my date nights to be quiet.  As in, people looking at us would think we are having issues because we aren’t talking to each other, quiet.  We don’t have issues (well, at least not any that put us into not-speaking-to-each-other status), we just like the sound of each other’s silence sometimes.  I would say, on average, 2 out of every 3 times we go out there is somebody also dining who has an absurd laugh, an overly loud voice, or is speaking in another language.  I cannot tune it out.  

Peeved:  Do you hear that?  

Mr. Peeved: No.  

Peeved:  That laugh, it’s so obnoxious.  

Mr. Peeved: I hadn’t noticed.  Just ignore it.  

Peeved: Why don’t they just shut up already?  

Mr. Peeved:  Because they are eating their dinner and having a conversation. Why don’t you do the same?  

Peeved:  Well, they’re obnoxious.  

Mr. Peeved: Then, ignore them.  

Peeved:  I can’t ignore them.  They’re annoying the crap out of me.  

Mr. Peeved:  Why can’t you just ignore them?  I ignore people who annoy the crap out of me all the time.  

Peeved:  I don’t know, I just can’t get it out of my head.  It’s like it’s going directly in through my ear, into my brain and hitting my last nerve.  

Mr. Peeved: *silence*  

Peeved: Are you listening to me?  

Mr. Peeved:  What?  

Peeved:  Are you listening to me?  

Mr. Peeved:  No, I’m ignoring you.  See, it’s easy. 

Fine.  He kind of has a point.  Sometimes I’m loud, sometimes I cackle like a hyena (but, usually only after a few drinks and being in on a particularly snarky conversation), and I’m sure I get on other people’s nerves.  However, this is not on the same level as the impromptu fiesta.  See, I’m missing the part of my brain that retains useful information, so I never learned a second language.  All of my obnoxiousness is English-only (with maybe a twinge of Yiddish, just because I’m from Long Island).  English-only obnoxiousness, while annoying, is nowhere near as annoying as non-English obnoxiousness.  I don’t know if this is a deep-rooted phobia of not being in on the joke and therefore assuming I am the butt of it, but I’m thinking that sounds about right.  

 When I go to get my mani/pedi, I can’t relax.  I keep thinking they’re talking about me.  Giggling?  What are they giggling about?  They think the color I picked is awful?  They think my feet are the ugliest things they’ve ever seen?  I know this is stupid.  I know they have better things to do than talk about me.  I know I should have better focus and just tune them out.  But, once it is in my head, it is like it amplifies, it’s like there is a direct line from their mouth to my ear.  I just want to slam my fists down and scream, “Shut yer pie-hole, I’m trying to relax.”  Luckily, foot massages tend to shut me up and damper my Tourette’s.  

I don't know who to credit this to. But, if you made this you deserve credit.

6 Comments so far
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IGNORE: Clock ticking on night stand. (Betcha can’t now!)Oh you have digital w/radio? I still have 1952 Baby Ben. (Sundial by window backup). IGNORE: Sound of fan or AC.(betcha can’t now!) IGNORE: “I wanna drink of water” kid in abutting bedroom at 3:00 AM. If rains for 3 days, IGNORE story re collecting pairs of animals.Can’t happen twice. Genesis copyrighted. DO NOT IGNORE: “You are hereby ordered to appear at Courtroom 3B on…” DEFINITELY DO NOT IGNORE: “SPUCKETYCHUNCK, SPUCKETYCHUNCK” from under car hood. DEFINITELY IGNORE: Free trip to Mars!Just send…”

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

I feel the same way when getting my toes done…first I don’t know how they can hear each other in their little whispers, but then I think they are talking mad crap about me too…very unnerving!

Comment by thelifeofjamie

Even if you don’t know a word of what they are saying….just blurt out ….”I know EVERYTHING you are saying!!”……it will quiet them down in a hurry…..

Comment by redriverpak

OCD, ADD, Tourette’s – have that trio drivng my train, too! As for foreign language problem, I just give my laser eye right off the bat – works more often than not. Have a good weekend.

Comment by izziedarling

I love how the pie has little hearts on it, to take the edge off, “la la la, Shut Your Pie Hole, la la la…”

Comment by Average Girl

[…] Peeves Midget, smidget – I have an office creeperSo funny I forgot to laugh…Come se dice "SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE"What we have here, is a failure to […]

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