Perpetually Peeved

Gag me with a spoon

Biggie:  Mommy, Granny called you the “B” word.

Peeved:  What? When?

Biggie:  Before, when she took me to the store.  She called you the “B” word.

Peeved:  Well, that’s nice.

Biggie:  No, not THAT “B” word, the other “B” word.

Peeved: What are you talking about?

Biggie:  I can’t say it, it’s a bad word.

Peeved:  Oh, just say it.  You won’t get in trouble, promise.  You get a free pass.

Biggie:  No, it’s a bad word.  You know not “the” bad “B” word, but the “other” bad “B” word.

Peeved:  The one that rhymes with itch?

Biggie:  No, the one that rhymes with ee-otch.  But, you know, has a “B” in front.

Peeved:  My mom called me a beyotch in front of my daughter.

Biggie:  Yep.

Peeved:  Well, you’re right.  That is a bad word.  Granny shouldn’ t have said that.

Biggie:  Well, don’t feel too bad.  She called Aunt Jen one, too.

It’s bad enough that my mother was bad-mouthing me to my daughter, but it is completely unacceptable to do it with an overused, non-sensical term.  Can we just get a permanent injunction put on all of the following phrases, effective immediately:

1. Whatever! (I know I don’t have to explain this one.)

2. Talk to the hand (I’ll give you “talk to the hand” – how about a knuckle sandwich?)

3. You go girl! (Go where?  Long walk, short pier?  Okay, then.)

4. Get down with your bad self (what does this even mean?)

5. Seriously? Seriously? Seriously. (Grey’s jumped the shark when dead people started talking – let it go, people)

6. Amaze-balls (um, gross)

7. That’s what she said (It was maybe funny the first 5 times.  Let’s leave the comedy to the professionals, please.)

8. Chillax (and/or any other made up words floating around out there).

9. 24/7 (Unless you are a 7-11 or WalMart, you don’t need to use this phrase.)

10. Think outside the box (What fucking BOX?????)

11. oh… and…  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little (I cannot believe of all the words in the English vernacular, we have not created one to express this in a more efficient fashion.)

Okay, if a permanent injunction is not a remedy available, can we at least get a “punch a douche free card?”  Thanks, ‘preciate ya!


14 Comments so far
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What a delightful looking house! How long have you lived there? Gosh you are such a showoff. Dis here high falutin flauntin. I’d get someone to move that junky car though. It detracts from the grace and symmetry and from the “aroma” of the artwork. Do you want to sell it? I have contact with Timothy Leary. “He’s on the outside looking in.” Maybe an even swap? House for orange tabs. You be so stylin like so much downtown! “Move over and let Jimmi take over.”

Comment by Carl D'Agostino

Actually, that is my house. Not. (How did I forget THAT one?)

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Wow, your own mom..

How about ‘epic fail’ – that is the new popular phrase in our house and I’m already tired of it.

Comment by Jenni Engledow

I know, right? You would think my mother of all people would use proper grammar/language.

Epic fail is bad, but I give it another 4 months before it hits the injunction list.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

All right, I’ll admit I’m all about some “that’s what she said jokes.” I use them enough that I consider myself a professional… does that make it okay?

Comment by Joe

Oh, yes, you’re all good then.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

my industry has been built on the phrase “think outside of the box”. kill me.

Comment by katie o.

Yay for Biggie for not using bad words even with a free pass! You go girl!
Oh, sorry.

Comment by Amy

I’ll let you go with a warning on that one.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I must confess I sometimes use #11 sadly. Sometimes, there are just no others words to accurately describe what I’m feeling as someone tells me something absolutely horrendous. Usually its guys who are trying to get me to think they are so cool for saying some off-handed joke. Uhm, NO you are disgusting and for that I may literally throw up on you!

Oh and maybe you should throw in the texting language-ttyl, brb, etc. Yes, please stop.

Comment by mct88

Ha! Funny post–I literally laughed out loud, because the term “Chillax” drives me absolutely crazy. I work in a corporate internet group and am surrounded by balding, middle-aged guys who use the phrase constantly. The irritation, it is too much.

Thanks for stopping by 36×37 yesterday. You have a real way with humor. Looking forward to reading more!

Comment by 36x37

I agree about “thinking outside the box.” I hate when people tell me to do that. I just imagine a cardboard box and it does nothing for me.

Comment by Vodka and Ground Beef

Okay, so now I’ll walk around in a virtual burka re: #1. Your mom must be something.

Comment by izziedarling

It’s all in the tone. I think this one comes from my 12-year-old being back from summer break. I should have specified that it is more the What-eva or What-ev-er. Usually accompanied by an eye roll or hand wave. (I use “whatever” too, but it is usually accompanied by a finger.) 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

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