Perpetually Peeved


Wednesday “What the…?”

Okay, fine, so I tried not to steal anyone else’s Wednesday theme and I wound up doing it anyway.  Apparently, I like There is no “I” in team. But there are three “u”s in shut the fu*k up Facebook and that is why WTF Wednesday sounded so familiar.  So, with a slightly different title, I bring you the same BS as last week – things that make you go “What the…?” 

1.  What the… are you selling? 

On Saturday, I took the girls to the zoo in the morning.  When I got home that afternoon, I promptly dumped them with Mr. Peeved and made an excuse to get a little “me” time.  I steered clear of the DSW Shoe Warehouse (I’m being really good) and headed to the large antiques market near my house.  I love everything vintage and always keep my eye out for cool new stuff that appears in the market.  Okay, who am I kidding?  I was looking for an accordian wall sconce like the one from last Wednesday’s post.  I was not successful, however, I did find SOME treasures.  

Um, ouch. Boating accident?

 

This beauty was tucked into a shelf between two relatively pretty earthenware chotchkies.  Doesn’t anyone look at this stuff before they let people put it on the shelves.  If I participate in a consignment sale and if there is one tiny little stain, the item gets rejected.  Apparently, you can be down a ruby nipple and still get tagged for sale.  Would it really affect the value to just go to Michael’s and get this poor girl a replacement?  I felt like leaving my 50% off coupon next to it. 

If Tammy Faye Baker were a cross...

 

Oh for the love of…  what the ?… Is that a neon silk-flower cross ?  Yes, folks, that is exactly what it is.  Someone needs to lay off the communion wine.  At the very least, there should be a screening process for this stuff.  WTF Mr. One Man’s Junk is Another Man’s Junk? 

2.  What the…  are you wearing? 

  

This is a clipping of an article in the Atlanta-Journal Constitution.  This is supposed to be a fashion profile.   This girl looks like her house was on fire and she grabbed her favorite things and threw them all on at once.  I don’t have an issue with any one individual piece, but the outfit as a whole is shitballs.  Let’s review what’s going wrong here:  1) sandal flats and jeans that come down to your almost-ankles; 2) jeans that come down to your almost-ankles – are they capris or jeans? I smell an identity crisis and P.S. your hips hate them, too; 3) 6-inch cuffs on your jeans only works if you are a rockabilly and/or wearing Chucks; 4) have you never seen What Not to Wear?  Clinton and Stacey would have a heart attack – jeans should fall straight from the hips in order to be slimming; 5)  I don’t have any problem with the tops, but out of curiosity, what temperature is it outside? What season?  Because your hat and shoes say summer while your top and pants say winter.  WTF Ms. Someone Should Have Put a Black Bar Across My Face? 

3.  What the… is that? 

  

This is the cover of one of Biggie’s teenybopper magazines.  At first glance, I thought they were making fun of the heavier girls.  No?  Oh, I shouldn’t worry then?  It’s just a show on CBS?  Called “Huge”?  And, it’s about overweight people?  Okay, then.  WTF Ms. I Have No Pride and Will Let People Degrade Me for a Gig on Network TV?  Also, WTF Our Network Is So Insensitive We May As Well Be FOX News Pundits? 

4.  What the… school do you go to? 

 

I was reviewing Biggie’s schoolwork last night and came across a test.  The test was graded.  Yet, I have no earthly idea how she actually did on the test.  Why?  Because her school has switched to the IB system of grading.  Not the whole school, though.  And, not all her classes.  And, not all the classes have all the same number of levels for the grading.  So, I don’t know whether to ground her or not.  Just to be safe, I did.  WTF A, B, C, D, F Was Not A Good Enough System For Our School, School? 

5.  What the… kind of backwater town are you from? 

When vanity plate shopping meets PBR guzzling.

 

Yes, that vanity plate says “YEEHA” and no, it’s not on a Bronco.  WTF Mr. Should Have Tied Your Lasso ‘Round a Real Truck? 

6.  What the… is wrong with you? 

 

Sunday afternoon, Smalls had a “fairy” birthday party to attend.  Needing to get some errands done, I left the house an hour and a half before we had to head to the party.  

Peeved:  Biggie, I will be back in one hour.  I need to go food shopping.  We need to leave the house for the fairy party at 2:30.  Please get your sister ready and be waiting for me when I get back.  Mr. Peeved is in the office if you need him. 

Biggie:  Okay, yeah, sure, mom. 

*** 

[Peeved walking in with her hands full of groceries] 

Biggie:  Mr. Peeved says you’re going to be mad at me. 

Peeved:  Why?  Are you not ready? 

Smalls: [twirling into the room]  Mommy, mommy, mommy, look, I’m a fairy! 

Peeved:  What the… 

Biggie:  She wanted it that way!  She said all fairies wear sparkly make-up. 

Peeved:  Yeah, Fairy Nightwalkers.  Geez, Biggie! 

*** 

I had to take my child to the fairy party looking like a two-bit fairy hooker.  WTF Biggie (who would run if she knew what was good for her)?

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20 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I LOVE chotchkies. After 20 minute boil, we stuff them with bread crumbs, crab meat and mozzarella cheese and bake 20 minutes. You buy the freshest ones at Lorenzo’s.

Comment by carl d'agostino

Could you send me that complete recipe, please?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

can you copy me on that recipe? 🙂

Comment by katie o.

Leave off Biggie, that makeup is just right for a party, IMHO!

Comment by gallowaygrave

What kind of parties do YOU frequent?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Mostly wakes these days!

Comment by gallowaygrave

She is such a cutie! I have a 3yr old niece that runs around ALL DAY, EVERYDAY in a little princess costume. Aren’t they cute?….before they turn to the dark side as teens… 🙂

Comment by redriverpak

Yeah, it’s kind of like having a kitten and a cat at the same time. You love that the kitten is so cute and little and fluffy, but you know in the back of your mind it’s going to grow into a shedding, pissing, mouse-killing cat. 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I have both…baby girl and cat- they both scare the buhjeezuz out of me!

Comment by thelifeofjamie

Wednesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week. Thank you PP!
ps. if you ever need a buddy to go with you to the antiquey place, call me. I’m game. Especially if insults and jokes are involved.

Comment by katie o.

I was thinking of making it a regular Saturday feature. It’s a virtual breeding ground for insults and jokes! I’ll send you an email! 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Ok, Peeved, you’ve outdone yourself on this one. The IB code: C = B, B = A, A = college of choice. You pay but still .. . oh yeah, Smalls looks darling. And missing ruby nip is uncomfortable looking.

Comment by izziedarling

Tell me about it. I’ve been walking around all week with my hand on my left boob!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Thank you for the hump day pick me up. The boob figurine, reminded me of a thing my grandfather had… it was a outhouse and when you open it up an old mountain man turns around and pees on you…As a child it was amusing, as an adult, it is still amusing. 1950’s retro humor, WTF?

Comment by thepieholeoverfloweth

That’s like the hibatchi place that makes the volcano and then puts it out with a figurine that pees on it. Smalls thinks this is the best thing ever! Let’s hope she doesn’t get any ideas…

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

That cross is the awesomest! Nuthin’ says I Love Jesus more than fake blue flowers and glowing neon! That reminds me, I gotta get to the J&J Flea Market soon. That place is a gold mine for blog material.

Yes, that outfit in #2 is a disaster, but the necklace in the other picture on that page is really cute.

Wednesday is quickly becoming my favorite day of the week!

Comment by Amy

I’ll have to check out the J&J if I’m ever over that way! I like the necklace, too. I would never buy anything from Anthropolgie though. For the amount it costs, I could probably fly to the country it came from.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Oh, it’s an experience! If you ever get the opportunity you should go.

Ew, I didn’t notice that it was from Anthropologie. Yeah, I don’t have a paycheck to waste on a necklace.

Comment by Amy

Noticing that black-light cross with the potpourri of death suspended in a higher position, makes you want to grovel at the spot and testify your faith in shoddy antique stores. They should add some Gregorian singing for the climax.

Comment by Gruff Guano

All of these are PRICELESS. I just had the biggest of belly-laughs I’ve had all weekend all month.

Comment by Bonnie




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