Filed under: Consumer / Retail, General Peevery | Tags: annoying, As seen on TV, booty pop, consumerism, drive me up the wall, facial flex, grating, jesus diorama, marriage blanket, nervous breakdown, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, shopping QVC style, vapid society, vent, why do we buy this stupid shit?
The world is full of people selling crap. More inconceivably, the world is full of people willing to buy it. A friend of mine from across the pond sent an email asking if Silly Bandz was really as much of a craze as a BBC article was making it out to be. The answer: yes, my friend, unfortunately it is. There are Silly Bandz, Bandyz, Funny Bandz, Zany Bandz, Googly Bandz, Crazy Bandz, ad nauseam.
Who cares if they are RUBBER BANDS that serve no function? Who cares if they come in shapes that take a zoologist, herpetologist and/or Professor of Hieroglyphics to identify them? Kids love them. Parents spend $2.00 a pop (minimum) for TEN (10) RUBBERBANDS.
The worst part? This isn’t even the stupidest shit people buy. Have you ever woken up with the sudden urge to buy a:
Shake Weight?
Please click and watch the video – freaking perves.
Remind me to get THIS before my next blog party!
JLo has brainwashed us all...
Please also click for video!
Facial Flex? What the?
It’s an epidemic. They have entire stores in our malls devoted to things “As Seen on TV.” Yes, Americans are stupid. If they see it on TV, they want it. If a celebrity wears it, they wear it. If you call it “art” and put a high price tag on it, they’ll have to have it.
Jesus Christ! (No, really, that's who it is. Jesus, you know, replete with googly eyes and bottle caps.)
This little diorama beauty was going for $65 at the flea market the other day.
Silly? Yes. Funny? Yes. Zany? Yes. Googly? Yes. Crazy? Abso-freaking-lutely!
Now, what kind of junk can I patent and make millions off of? Let’s see, they already have cat scratch emery boards, amazingly absorbent towels (how long does it take for THOSE to dry?), haircutting vacuum accessories, magic gravity balls, smokeless ashtrays… Hey, I got this bridge I’m selling! You interested?
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Perpetually Peeved 
Uh-oh, I like ShamWow towels…What does this say about me as a person?
Comment by katie August 30, 2010 @ 4:11 pmNot as much as the fact that you drink alone on your porch – or – that you play guitar hero by yourself after everyone has gone to bed. 🙂 kisses.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 30, 2010 @ 4:14 pmI’m amazed at the amount of crap people sell and buy. Simply amazed.
Comment by pbandchutney August 30, 2010 @ 4:12 pmIt’s quite baffling. I wish I could come up with something to make millions. Think of that lady who cut the feet off her L’Eggs and now runs the multi-million dollar business of SPANX.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 30, 2010 @ 4:16 pmSara Blakely was actually on the radio this morning. And I suddenly wanted to drive my car into oncoming traffic. She cuts feet out of pantyhose and makes a gagillion dollars. What the hell are we doing wrong?
Comment by katie o. August 30, 2010 @ 11:20 pmI hear ya! I shelled out some serious cash for those stupid rubber bands but it made my 6 year old very happy. Makes me think of all the crazy stuff that came out when I was a kid.
I wrote a few posts about the old and new fads on my blog. You should check out the weight loss product they have now to literally freeze your ass off. I did a whole post on that alone!I don’t get who would buy that one.
Comment by Denise August 30, 2010 @ 4:24 pmIf I had an ass to freeze off, I might. As it is, I could probably stand to purchase a Booty Pop! 🙂
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:31 amI don’t even let my kids look at the Silly Bands at the store anymore. They already have too many that they don’t play with or care about. We were at the toy store the other day and all the stupid bandz were buy one get one free. That means the fad is OVER! The commercial for the Shake Weight makes me laugh every time I see it so it has some value there.
Comment by tryityoumightlikeit August 30, 2010 @ 4:29 pmThe Shake Weight video is amazing. The first time I saw it I was out to lunch at a sports pub and I almost gagged on my chicken wings.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:32 amGarbage Pail Kids were of particular concern to me as a child. Now, those were dumb.
Whenever I think of stupid inventions making millions I always think of the ever-popular pet rock.
Comment by Conflicted Mean Girl August 30, 2010 @ 4:32 pmChia pet, too! They never had a Garbage Pail Kid for “Emily” – so my friend would make up names for me: Emaciated Emily; Ethiopian Emily; Eat More Food Emily. She thought it was funny I was a stick. I didn’t quite appreciate it. 🙂
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:34 amWhat’s even more amazing is HOW MANY people buy it. If you could the results that telemarketers put out on this crap you’re eyes would fall out of your head.
Comment by Brooke August 30, 2010 @ 4:37 pmI can only imagine. I want to know if these people really use this stuff. Wonder if there are any blogs out there about people who buy and chronicle their use of sold on TV garbage…
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:35 amI love my strap perfect! Kept them high up when I was nursing! But you are correct- there is a ton of stupid crap out there!
Comment by thelifeofjamie August 30, 2010 @ 4:57 pmStrap perfect sounds dirty. Are you shopping QVC after midnight? ha ha
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:36 amI am so out of it. I had no idea about those bandz things.
Comment by Amy August 30, 2010 @ 7:37 pmCombine that Jesus diorama with that blue neon cross and you will be the raddest Christian around.
Yeah. Facial Flex? People are weird.
Facial flex. All I can think of is Anthony Michael Hall waking up in the car in Sixteen Candles.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:58 amI got the shake weight but the neighbors just made fun of me as I used it during my walks.
Comment by Bearman August 30, 2010 @ 7:38 pmI can’t fathom why.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:58 amYou left out the Snuggie! Great blog!
Comment by thepieholeoverfloweth August 30, 2010 @ 10:13 pmDOH! How could I forget the Snuggie? Also known as the hyper-flammable backwards bathrobe without a tie? They even make it in doggie sizes and leopard print.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 10:59 amHey – did you delete your blog?
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 1, 2010 @ 4:37 pmThose plastic wristbands remind me of slapbraclets from the early 90s (not the same concept, but the same plasticy-jewelry crap.)
As for the kitchen gadgets…there are just way too many of those out there. As a rule of thumb: the more the gadgets, the worse the cook.
Comment by wickedannabella August 30, 2010 @ 10:17 pmOh – snap bracelets. I remember those! I used to have those horrible 80’s plastic charm bracelet/necklace thingys. I looked like a cross between Mr. T and Rainbow Brite.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:00 amOMG, things are FAR worse than the BBC stated! Thankyou for opening my British eyes to the horror to come… except that if I get the UK franchise for the bands I could be quids in by Xmas!
Comment by gallowaygrave August 31, 2010 @ 2:46 amGG – sounds like a genius plan. Hire a patent lawyer ASAP.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:00 amOk! Just when I thought nothing could beat the Snuggie, and Snuggie for your dog, there is the Better Marriage Blanket… Glad to hear that the MILITARY uses the same inner linning to sheild of chemical war tactics. OHH! The inginuity of our country just AMAZES me! We can’t find a “cure” for cancer, BUT we can make your farts never reach your nose! WHAT THE F*@# is going ON! How about these “engineers” figure out how to make my car drive for 900 miles on a tank of gasoline!? The worst are all the diets! STOP TELLING PEOPLE THEY NEED TO DIET TO LOOSE WEIGHT! TELL THEM THEY NEED TO EAT REAL, UNPROCESSED, NUTRITIONAL FOOD! (You know, the kind that doesn’t require a periodic table to figure out what your eating!)Sorry! You hit a peeve of mine as well! Good work Peeved!
Comment by lilmisscali August 31, 2010 @ 4:37 amI probably would have purchased that marriage blanket if it wasn’t $100, but I totally thought the same thing when they were talking about the technology behind it.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:01 amJust wait till after christmas, they’ll be 19.99 at wal-mart! 😀
Comment by lilmisscali September 3, 2010 @ 11:53 pmPP, you crack me up. The inventors of the Shake Weight had to have been some college students thinking, “Dude. What if we made a workout thing that looked like a dumbbell but worked like an epic handjob?”
Comment by Pop August 31, 2010 @ 8:49 amI have a feeling a lot of wives will be getting those as Christmas presents. 🙂
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:02 amThat booty popper is just false advertising dammit.
Comment by writerdood August 31, 2010 @ 9:43 amSo are Spanx, BumpIts and those little chicken cutlet booby things. You could think you’re taking home Giselle Bunchen and wind up with Joan Cusak.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:03 amAt least Joan’s got a good sense of humor. I’d still be disappointed though. It’s like opening a Christmas present and finding a sweater when you thought you were going to get some cool new electronic gadget.
“Hey! Where’d your butt go?”
“It’s on the floor.”
😛
Comment by writerdood September 1, 2010 @ 10:25 amdon’t you remember the rubber bracelets we wore as kids…those were actually gaskets of some kind
Comment by jackie smith August 31, 2010 @ 10:57 amWhat bracelets? Gaskets? Do you mean those black rubber Madonna bracelets? The ones you could intertwine two different colors or wear, like, 100 at a time?
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:21 amSILLY BANDS: Better than the “gladiator spike leather wrist armor” that the drop down boyz will give your little children at the playground “to be cool like us.” SHAKE WEIGHT: Just throttle your kid a la Homer Simpson. Same effect plus stress release and behavior modification will be achieved with old little Bart a la el quicko. BACON GENIE: It’s not the device. It’s the bacon. You’ll wish you never ate this gook after your triple by pass and if you haven’t had that heart attack yet, switch to raisin bran now! URINE GONE: Stop the football beer parties with husband’s bros. Won’t need it anymore. BOOTY POP PANTIES: Sweetie, if you look like this babe before OR after, name your price. You are to die for! BETTER MARRIAGE BLANKET: Do they make one that “absorbs” wife’s insatiable need for new shoes” ? FACIAL FLEX: Hey, biker chicks use motor oil and look great in my book. JESUS DIORAMA: No wonder He said “MY kingdom is not of this world. You people are too whack!”
Comment by carldagostino August 31, 2010 @ 11:09 amI think my husband would definitely buy THAT marriage blanket. 🙂
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:23 amNoticed Fix it or Deal lady few comments up still trying to act nuclear with the “rad” thing.
Comment by carldagostino August 31, 2010 @ 11:17 amMy “Booty Pop” has actually been a good investment! I wear it around town when I am walking and have gotten tons of honks from people who like what they see! 🙂
Comment by redriverpak August 31, 2010 @ 11:50 amI’m sure. Especially if you are wearing your Facial Flex and working out with your Shake Weights at the same time. 😉
Comment by perpetuallypeeved August 31, 2010 @ 11:59 amAre you saying that the Shake a Weight isn’t really going to work? I thought maybe I could just hold it to get a work out. Crap.
Comment by thoughtsappear August 31, 2010 @ 2:02 pmYou can be our guinea pig… but, we need video evidence.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 1, 2010 @ 4:14 pmI work at a store that sells most of the As Seen On TV stuff. I have to say that I almost fell over when I first saw the Booty Pop and rang it up for a woman in her late sixties/early seventies. And although I have no idea why I am actually admitting this, I have come dangerously close to purchasing a shake weight. Yeah, I said it. And how someone can make a mint off of a bent rubber band is beyond me…and at the same time makes me jealous…why didn’t I think of it first? Loved you post.
Comment by mairzeebp September 1, 2010 @ 1:21 amThank you and thanks for stopping by. Now, I may have to test out the Booty Pop just to see what all the fuss is about.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 1, 2010 @ 4:19 pmSo, obviously, I need to ask: Have you seen “Slim T for Men”? I wish I had access to You Tube right now so I could send you the infomercial. There’s no way my description could do it justice.
Anyway, Slim T for Men: It’s a t-shirt of the wife-beater variety, but it acts like a girdle! For men! It’s supposed to “shape the torso!” and “improve posture!” and “suck in the gut!” But the *best* part is the fake, built-in abs of the Brad Pitt circa Fight Club variety.
I didn’t think anything could beat the man bra, but this might just do it.
Awesome post. You made me laugh out loud.
Comment by 36x37 September 1, 2010 @ 9:59 amSlim T? Egad. I knew they made Spanx for men, but that is just ridiculous. I’d be serioulsy peeved if I thought I was getting Brad Pitt and I ended up with Homer Simpson in a girdle.
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 1, 2010 @ 4:16 pmI don’t know if I am in a Back to School Funk or what it is, but today I seem to be saying the same thing on every blog.
Americans are willing to buy crap because we are stupid. People are not discerning. Our children believe false claims; they want Silly Bandz to be popular. We buy them for them. Guess what? Bullying is up because what parent wants his/her kid to feel left out for not wearing Silly Bandz.
Oh, and we are lazy. If you are fat, you have to eat less and move more. But Americans don’t want to hear that. We want to fix it with that stooopiod gadget. Nearly every gadget you have shown about a quick fix. The plump ass, the Facial Flex, the Shake Weight, etc… (I actually liked the Jesus diaroma! That one was actually kitschy art that I used to love to find in New Orleans markets. I might have paid $35 for it because it is funny.) The other stuff is all snake oil, feeding on insecurities and false promises.
How about we get off the couch, turn off the screens, take the pods, the pads and Touches away from our kids and get them outside playing in a neighborhood again?
Oh, but don’t try to take away my Spanx because that shit works.
Comment by Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson September 1, 2010 @ 12:04 pmSure you don’t want to guest post? 😉
Comment by perpetuallypeeved September 1, 2010 @ 4:17 pmYou forgot the Snazzy Napper:
Comment by Neighbor to Eat or Reheat September 1, 2010 @ 4:30 pm
I shall sneak in the fiftieth comment and say that this post REALLY stirred up your readers, well done!
gg
Comment by gallowaygrave September 2, 2010 @ 2:03 amI love this thing so much. Thank for share
Comment by sillybandzmania September 3, 2010 @ 7:29 am[…] I’ve got a bridge… […]
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