Perpetually Peeved


Wednesday “What the…?”

Welcome back, folks, for another round of “Wednesday What the…?”  Same beach, different flotsam.  Let’s see what kind of wreckage I’ve found for you.  

1.  What the… are you selling?   

This isn't a specials board, it's a "special" board.

Did you ever have an idea in your head and while it remained there, it was the best idea ever but then the minute you shared it, it didn’t sound like such a good idea anymore?  Um, yeah.  Some marketing genius had that happen to them, but no one clued them in before they made this pretty little sign up.  Let’s move past the glaring “$5 Bang Wednesdays” – except, really?  Let’s ask ourselves, “If it’s happy hour “all day every day” then why am I only getting a “bang” on Wednesdays?”  Then, let’s ask ourselves, “What the hell does a bowl of dogfood have to do with happy hour?”  I mean, if that’s not dogfood, I don’t know what is.  WTF Our Marketing People Had a Couple Happy Hours Prior to Coming Up With This Brilliance?   

Speaking of wasted:  

  

Saw this at lunch today.  It was a table display in the middle of the waiting area at a fast-food salad type place.  You know what I never understood?  Why people would put bad pictures of their food on their menus.  This goes beyond that.  This is not going to convince anyone to buy that plate of food.  Catfish smells even when it’s fresh.  How long are you going to let that sit there?  Moreover, there are thousands of people and children who are homeless and hungry in our city.  WTF Let’s Waste Perfectly Good Food Just Because We Want to Sell More Overpriced Salads?  

2.  What the…  are you wearing?   

 

This is an oldie but goody.  I was out at a suburban bar one night, which if you’ve never been, man – are they entertaining. One of the most entertaining things to do there is try to covertly take pictures of what I like to call “subfashion.”  See, out in the ‘burbs, they have a whole different sense of style.  It’s a little trying-too-hard, with a dash of 80’s and a sprinkle of the-fumes-from-the-nail-salon-have-burned-too-many-of-my-brain-cells.  So, here I was, minding my own business, sipping on my Sierra Nevada (which is the closest thing you can get to real beer in the ‘burbs) when all of a sudden THIS walks by.  THIS is the lady in the orange shirt.  I use the terms lady and shirt loosely here.  What may have been a shirt at one time is now sliced open down to her butt crack and tied together at the nape of her neck.  Well, hello back fat!  The best part?  It’s hard to tell in this photo, but she is wearing a bra.  Not a backless bra, a regular old tan-colored bra.  Yes, the strap is clearly exposed.  Let’s keep our undergarments UNDER and leave the designing to the DESIGNERS, eh?  WTF Ms. I Like Back Fat and I Cannot Lie?  

3.  What the… is that?   

  

  

There is a national campaign against meth.  Apparently just saying no is not enough anymore.  They have to use scare tactics and gross-outs to make their point.  Billboards displaying nasty, grimy restrooms say things like, “NO ONE THINKS THEY’LL LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY HERE. METH WILL CHANGE THAT.”  There are testimonials on the radio with young people talking about their teeth falling out and their best friends dying.  I get the point.  I understand the importance, but is there not a more tactful way to do this?  It’s like the pro-life truck with the graphics splashed all across it shouting at everyone from the freeway.  It doesn’t leave me feeling educated, it makes me want to vomit. You try explaining to a 4-year-old why there’s a bleeding baby on that truck.  WTF Was Wrong With Just Say No?  

 4.  What the… school do you go to?   

  

This past weekend, Biggie had a friend sleep over our house.  We were sitting in the living room, studying Biology because neither of the girls did well on their tests and the teacher was letting them do a make-up test.  Earlier in the day, I had gone to a local farm-to-table restaurant with a friend and the study of life sciences brought to mind something she had shared.  

Peeved:  Girls, do you know what I found out today?  When a chicken lays an egg, it’s not fertilized.  So, they really aren’t going to be baby chickens.  

Biggie:  They aren’t?  

Peeved:  No.  Isn’t that crazy?  I never knew that.  The rooster comes around afterwards and fertilizes them.  

Biggie:  Interesting.  So, I’m not eating an unborn baby chicken when I have eggs?  Good to know.  

Peeved:  Yeah, but what I can’t figure out… how does the rooster fertilize the eggs without breaking them?  

Biggie:  He probably just goes over and poops on them.  

Peeved:  Poops on them?  What?  Biggie you are so weird.  

Biggie:  Yes, he probably goes and takes a big crap on them.  That’s what fertilizer is, isn’t it?  Poop?  

Peeved:  You are SO going to those sex education classes they have at school.  

WTF Does the Rooster Do To Fertilize Those Eggs Anyway?  

 5.  What the… kind of backwater town are you from?   

 

Where exactly would these be appropriate attire? Do they come with a matching neon orange hat and a multi-color handbag with “STOP” written on the red side and “SLOW” written on the orange side?  WTF Inspired You To Make These Shoes – Paris Hilton on Adopt-A-Highway Community Service Duty? 

 6.  What the… is wrong with you? 

Fine.  You watch True Blood.  It’s a good show.  However, there are three things you should never do in life:  a) put a bumper sticker on your car; b) admit that you are obsessed with vampires and c) borrow your girlfriend’s car if she has violated edicts a) and b) noted previously.  Yes, folks, that was a man driving that car.  WTF Mr. You May Want to Ask For a Bike For Christmas?

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29 Comments so far
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Wow! Don’t you live in an interesting town! I personally love the back cleavage- I say cleavage because it’s there, it just shouldn’t be! And those boots- it’s like America’s Next Top Model (you know you watch it) and the crazy shoes they make them wear! And did you ever figure out how the rooster fertilizes the eggs? I have always wondered that too!

Comment by thelifeofjamie

I don’t live in that town. I just go visit when I want some entertainment. 🙂

Okay, looked up the rooster/hen/egg thing. Apparently, it works just like we do except instead of our unused eggs getting flushed out the way they get flushed out, the hen lays the eggs. So, if a rooster mates with a hen then the egg comes out fertilized and she’ll sit on it. If it’s just a regular passing of the egg, she won’t and there will be no baby. And, Denny’s will continue to have Grand Slam Breakfasts.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I can’t believe some of the crap you see! But I did learn something new about the egg thing.. let me know when you crack that mystery (pun intended) 🙂

Comment by pbandchutney

Meth poster thing knocked the funny out of me today. In Miami it’s crack cocaine. The ever present monster devours minds, hearts and the very souls of people. Too often the “people” are our very own children. The police have no “tactful” way of telling you your loved one was found dead in a canal I usually avoid comment on the wine or party or beer posts as delightful and pleasant as they may be for the party crowd as such things are no longer enjoyments. Clean and sober 8 1/2 years. One day at a time.

Comment by carldagostino

My apologies D’Ag. Didn’t mean to knock your funny out. Congrats to you!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I love the concept of happy hour all day and every day because it just blows your mind. You have to stop and wonder if that is even really possible.

“I mean, I GUESS it’s possible but then it’s kind of self defeating… unless they still made their drinks cheaper but then we’d have to know the old prices… but isn’t the point to bring in business? I- I don’t know… my head hurts.”

I tell you what, though. I’m MUCH more interested in those $5 Bang Wednesdays.

Comment by Posky

My idea of happy hour all day every day is an unlimited supply of money and a bed at the DSW Shoe Warehouse. 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

You need to keep a fashion citation pad in your purse and hand them out to people like that orange creature. Thanks for the rooster education – never got that, either. That boot thing …. have you been back to DSW?

Comment by izziedarling

Busted. Yes, I went back to DSW. BUT… I didn’t buy anything for myself. Just a present for my sister-in-law (which was in the budget). Go me!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I think that Orange Shirt knows what a $5 Bang Wednesday is.
Those boots would be great for a Slutty Lumberjack Halloween constume.

Comment by Amy

Hmm.. slutty lumberjack, of course that’s when they would be appropriate. Thanks, I feel better now.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

These are great! The girl with the bad outfit and the girl with the bad teeth both work as cashiers at my local Wal-Mart….. or at least their twins do…. 🙂

Comment by redriverpak

They should make an anti-meth ad out of that orange shirt. THIS is what meth makes you do. Now that would be scary!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Love the back fat pic. No, wait, that sounded wrong. 🙂 This post cracked me up~

Comment by The Cheeky Bride

It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Slight problem here in Britain with #1. A “$5 bang wednesday” would be understood by many as a quick shag with a cheap prostitute… I hope it means something else overthere?

#5 Saw a number of these on ladies (OK women) in London a couple of weeks ago. Are they dsigned for short cowgirls?

gg

Comment by gallowaygrave

It’s not too far off… 😉 Except, here it means a quick shag with a chick that got too drunk at happy hour.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

And they can advertise that in the open? USofA…!

Comment by gallowaygrave

$5 Bang?! Oh, it WILL be a happy hour indeed! Well, maybe just happy 5-15 minutes.

Comment by Pop

Yep, go to Bonefish to get some bang for your buck! Hey, maybe that’s a pile of oysters… nah, still looks like dogfood.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Is that dog food or dog poo?

#2. I love people watching. And that’s why. It’s my only source of entertainment.

Comment by thoughtsappear

Something tells me that either way, I don’t really want to know.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

How was the bang?
WTF was it?

Comment by writerdood

They have a dish called bang bang shrimp. Kind of disappointing after all that advertising, though.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Bang Bang Shrimp! I forgot that Bonefish has a dish called Bang Bang Shrimp. I guess you can get it for $5 on Wednesdays. And, I guess that’s what that drawing is supposed to be, but I agree that it looks like a bowl of dogfood.

Comment by Amy

The food was actually good there. The sign just struck me as having awfully poor execution.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

pp- where do you find this stuff? this is brilliant. and i’m seriously just in awe of your sense of humor. can you try to impart some of it on me next time we hang out?
ps. i still need to do a little research on the whole fertilizing of the eggs. why were never taught that in school? i mean come on, i’m from alabama. shouldn’t that have been one of the basics taught in middle school?

Comment by katie o.

Well, thank you.

I thought people bred the same way as chickens in Alabama… *badumpbump*

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

[…] it’s Exercise Science.  WTF Fancy Pants School – Why Don’t You Try Teaching Them How Eggs Get Fertilized Now That You’re Calling It […]

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