Perpetually Peeved


iEntertainment

Today, I had lunch by myself.  Went out to a restaurant and sat at a table all by my lonesome.  I loathe eating alone.  So, I did what any self-respecting girl would do.  I played on my iPhone the entire time.  When you think of entertainment and iPhones, you usually think about game apps.  Not me.  Some of the best stuff on my iPhone can be found in three places:  notes, texts & photos.

I use my notes app for a lot of things.  Shopping lists, quick notes, ideas for the blog, things of that sort.  Every once in a while, I will come across some notes where I have absolutely no recollection of their purpose.

NOTE #1:

Elvis Duran

Why do hedgehogs have tails?

Why do Viking hats have horns on them?

Mixing animal prints

Trainees

NOTE#2

Palmer car commercial

6042696

NOTE #3

Lazy-eyed pedophiles

Don’t curse in front of the dog

Hmm… nope, not ringing any bells.

Um, not always.

Smalls: Mommy, take Picachu's picture. Peeved: That's silly. Smalls: First you didn't buckle him in the car, then you wouldn't give him any popcorn. Now, you won't take his picture. You are NOT a good mommy.

Did you get down to the "GOD WANTS SPIRITUAL FRUITS" one? Good, just checking.

I must, I must, I must increase my bust!

I finally figured out who bought the Booty Pop. They should put this image on those meth billboards. This is your ass on drugs.

***

Peeved to Mr. Peeved: Holy crap!  Someone broke in the house… and they cleaned it!!!

***

Mr. Peeved: Is your sister doing up Halloween again?

Peeved: Whatcha mean “doing up”?

Mr. Peeved: Party, jumpy for kids, things of that nature.

Peeved: Nope, just trick or treating like last year.

Mr. Peeved: Last year they had a jumpy and stuff, didn’t they?

Peeved: Nope. That was the kid’s birthday.

Mr. Peeved: Weird, I thought I remembered it being a good time for all. Not just trick or treating.

Peeved: No, we just drank & trick or treated. 😉

Mr. Peeved: Must have been some damn good beer.

***

Mr. Peeved: We need a driver for Steeplechase – any ideas?

Peeved: Driver??

Mr. Peeved: Are you going to drive?

Peeved: I thought we were taking the kids…

Mr. Peeved: We are.  Are you going to drive?

Peeved: I’ll drive there if u drive home 🙂

Mr. Peeved: Not funny

Peeved: Oh – cuz I’m laughing… I don’t know anyone…

Mr. Peeved: So, will u drive home?

Peeved: No – ur turn

Mr. Peeved: I won’t go then

Peeved: Me either

Mr. Peeved: Cool

Peeved: Don’t be a dolt! Find a driver.

Mr. Peeved: What’s a dolt?

Peeved: Dictionary.com says: a dumb, stupid person; a blockhead

Mr. Peeved: Why did you have to look it up?

Peeved: Well, you weren’t gonna!

Mr. Peeved: I just figured since u used the word u might know what it meant.

***

Peeved to Mr. Peeved: I love you

Peeved to Mr. Peeved: Don’t eat his biscuits

Peeved to Mr. Peeved: He is full of shit

Peeved to Mr. Peeved: They will taste bad

***

Peeved: What did you do to the fireplace shovel?

Mr. Peeved: About the cat?

Peeved: What?

Actual image included in message...

Mr. Peeved: I have been using it to clean up cat shit in the crawlspace

Peeved: Oh. Perfect. Just checking.

***

Peeved: Mom tried to poison me with screwtop wine.

Mr. Peeved: What?

Peeved: That makes perfect sense to me, sorry.  I wanted to know what time you’ll be home and was also sharing that my mother bought the wine tonight, which was probably the second worst idea ever.

Peeved: The first being a tie for trying to stop a fan with your fingers and wiping poison ivy on yourself to win a $100 dare.

Peeved: Scratch that… worst idea ever = wiping poison ivy on yourself as a sympathetic gesture towards a friend that was stupid enough to let you convince him to wipe poison ivy on himself for $100.

***

Peeved: Want to do lunch today?

Mr. Peeved: Can’t today, you didn’t grab the egg salad sand?

Peeved: No – didn’t see it

Mr. Peeved: It was delish

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16 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I love reading through old text message streams. Especially between me and my husband. He’ll text me the most random crap.

And, I think I’m gonna add “lazy-eyed pedophiles” to my list of insults. Thanks!

Comment by Amy

Maybe that’s why I made note of it… 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Dear Booty-pop girl,
Apparently you have no common sense because any person that does would not do that to themselves. You need to learn to love you. NO! Put the Booty Pop DOWN! It’s more than a booty; it looks like you stuck two pumpkins down the back of your pants. Not cool, yo.

Comment by Brooke

I think the booty pop girl went in for the same surgery as the work-out girl. Only, they did it wrong. 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I like the texts between you and the Mr. Arguments via text really is new-age marital discord. Way to be cutting edge. Do you think that you make the accompanying argument faces while texting that you would make face-to-face? And I will use the word dolt this week. Probably in reference to myself. Thanks for giving me the vocabulary to more appropriately degrade myself.

Comment by mc6pack

I prefer to call it “banter” and I most definitely make the mad faces. 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Love that you make notes to yourself and then can’t remember why you wrote them. I do it all the time. I keep saying I’ll stop, but I keep doing it. Thank you for making me feel less crazy.

Comment by Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson

OK,so I’m not the only person who writes notes that make no sense later? Good. Just checking.

P.S. Don’t dismiss the screwtop wine out of hand. My father-in-law sells wine, and he says cork has gotten kind of expensive, for some reason, so even decent wineries have started using plastic corks and screwtop bottles (although not at the same time).

Wine in a can is still a bad idea, though. Also, any wine labeled “Boone’s Farm.”

Comment by Todd Pack

iPod peapod, notes smotes, text smext. Step back a couple of decades to daily crossword puzzle. Attracts cool and interesting people at restaurant, on bus, at laundromat, in grocery store line, on toilet(no cool and interesting people there I hope),at church during sermon, at coffee table Barnes & Nobles, and great during TV commercials. Learn new words like adar, ola, and erse. Can also develop intellectual intimacy with your surprisingly not so vapid spouse once in a while, like “Honey what’s a four letter word for when are you going to cut the grass?”. Example clue: 7 letter word for person that does not get paid for intelligent, humorous, or bitchy writing on internet. Begins with b and ends in r. There yet? OK, has two g’s in the middle. Rhymes with hogger, fogger, smogger, and wogger. See, you CAN do it!

Comment by carldagostino

Pika Pika.
My son has one of those. The sound it makes is pretty cool. The dog thought so too.

She doesn’t really need the booty popper.

Digital phones – the social pacifier of a generation. What will we do in the future when we have them implanted in our skulls? You’ll just have to “look” like you’re having a conversation with someone.

Comment by writerdood

I don’t text but I do have a notepad here in front of the computer that I scribble stuff on all day long….looking at it now, I have no clue what half of this garbabe means… 🙂

Comment by redriverpak

Too much funny in one post. By the time I get to the end I can’t remember what my comments were going to be. I love the text exchanges though between you and the Mr. And I’m sure I had something witty to say about something towards the beginning of the post.

Comment by Andrea Simpson - Conflicted Mean Girl

I agree with Andrea, haha – I forget too by the end of the post. 🙂 I love that notes app too… mine aren’t nearly as interesting as yours, though. I also love the fact that you can save ‘conversations’ via text. I have 2 particular convos (my daughter and my boyfriend) that are approximately a mile long. 🙂

Comment by Bonnie

Your husband asked if you ate the sandwhich he just scarfed down? That’s priceless. Good man.

Comment by 36x37

YUM! Religious nuts. So crunchy!

And good lord! Not even Eminem has seen an ass like that!

Comment by Pop

I’m so 12… religious nuts… hee hee… is that what a preacher’s kids come from?!… hee hee

Comment by perpetuallypeeved




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