Perpetually Peeved


Putting the “I” in “Team”

I have a few guilty pleasures in life: good books, good wine, Tim Riggins and reality TV.  Don’t judge – Taylor Kitsch is actually almost 30 and when I say reality TV, I mean good reality TV.  No Jersey accents, wife-swapping or speed-engaging dating allowed.  Anything on A&E, Survivor, Amazing Race, Project Runway, some Real Housewives (NY & CA only), and maybe a dash of Bad Girls Club just because it makes me feel better about my potty mouth. While most of these shows are not ones I would want to find myself on (Hoarders, Intervention, Celebrity Rehab), I do often wonder what it would be like to compete on one.

Survivor is a definite no-go.  I don’t like people.  I would definitely not like people if I were stuck camping with them in the middle of a mosquito-infested forest with no air mattress, no deodorant, no toothpaste and no food.  Something tells me someone would end up in the fire and it wouldn’t be because they passed out from inhaling smoke.  Project Runway is also a no-go.   While I love to design and sew, I couldn’t sacrafice my own personal taste just to try and get a smile out of Michael Kors.  Have you seen some of the stuff he likes? 

Not to mention he is so botoxed it would take a qualude and a crane to get his cheeks to move. Seriously - are you constipated or smiling? (AP Photo)

No, dear readers, there is only one show I would want to be on.  The Amazing Race.  Travel around the world with your best friend and compete against other people?  I am so in!

*****

[lying on the couch watching football last night]

Peeved:  So, today, I was on my moms group online and there was this post about The Amazing Race and someone asked the question if you went on that show, who would want to go with you.  So, who would you want to go with you?

Mr. Peeved:  Um, let me think about that.

Peeved:  Well, I’m just asking because people were saying they would go with their sister, or their father, or their sister-in-law…  Would you go with your dad?

Mr. Peeved:  No.

Peeved:  One of your brothers?

Mr. Peeved:  I don’t know.  Who would you go with?

Peeved:  I said I would go with you.  Because you are pretty amazing and also the only person I know that would put up with my crap.

Mr. Peeved:  [laughing] Of course I would take you.  Why would I go with anyone else?

Peeved:  I don’t know.  Some of the people said they think it would be stressful on their relationships and they didn’t want to fight on national TV.

Mr. Peeved:  You just have to work as a team.  I think we would do great together.

Peeved:  You do?  That’s sweet, baby.

Mr. Peeved:  The problem people have with working in a team is that they don’t just let one person make the decisions.

Peeved:  What?

Mr. Peeved:  That’s the problem.  People think everything has to be equal in a team.  If they just let one person make the decision and then everyone else supported that person, they’d make a much better team.

Peeved:  That’s not really a team.  I understand having a lead and coming up with a strategy and sticking to it, but having one person dictate what the others do is not teamwork.

Mr. Peeved:  Yes it is.  It’s the only way a team works effectively.  It’s like a golfer and his caddy.  The golfer needs his caddy.  But, the golfer decides what they are going to do, confers with the caddy and then does it.

Peeved:  What?  I can’t even talk to you abou this. 

Mr. Peeved:  But, baby, you’d make a great caddy.  You always have my back.

Peeved:  Watch the game.

Mr. Peeved:  You could take your mom.

Peeved:  What?

Mr. Peeved:  Well, you’d be famous, that’s for sure.  Everyone would know your name.

Peeved:  No kidding.

Mr. Peeved:  Forget fifteen minutes, she’s good for at least 15 days.

Peeved:  Infamous, even.

Mr. Peeved:  They’d be like, “cut!” — No, really, “cut!” — “Ma’am, can you please stop talking now?”

*****

I don't think I'd make it past Boston without trying to slit my wrists with the clue envelope. Photo from TVsquad.com

[later that night, lying in bed]

Peeved:  Do you really think a team is like a golfer and his caddy?

Mr. Peeved:  Yes.

Peeved:  That’s ridiculous.  The caddy just carries the golfers clubs around.  He doesn’t get a jacket if the golfer wins.  They aren’t a team.

Mr. Peeved:  You know what?  You go research it.

Peeved:  I don’t need to research it.  I’ve seen that Legend of Bagger Vance crap.  It’s not a team.  He doesn’t get a jacket.  No one even knows his name.

Mr. Peeved:  You don’t need name recognition and a jacket to be a good team player.

Peeved:  Ugh.

*****

Peeved:  I think it would depend on the task.

Mr. Peeved: What?

Peeved:  Who got stuck being the caddy.  I think it would depend on the task.  Like, you could be the golfer on any of the tasks that required strength, or fixing things, or building things, or eating nasty stuff.

Mr. Peeved:  Nice.  I don’t get to do any of the tasks that require intelligence?

Peeved:  Fixing things and building stuff requires intelligence.  It’s called engineering.

Mr. Peeved:  mmm-hmm

Peeved:  So, what kind of tasks would I be the golfer on?

Mr. Peeved: Oh, you know…  anything that had to do with sewing…

Peeved:  There is no sewing on Amazing Race.  Jackass.

Mr. Peeved: [stifling laughter] Okay, okay, anything that has to do with marketing or graphics…

Peeved:  Dipshit.

Mr. Peeved: [stifling laughter] Okay, for real?  You could lead the tasks that have to do with navigation – you’re good at that, you know giving directions.  Puzzles, showing your tits to get us in to places…

Peeved:  Nice.

Mr. Peeved:  No, really, they can get us stuff.  “Excuse me sir, I need two tickets to Sri Lanka, stat…”  “Ah, for you Ma’am, sure thing!”  “Thank you”…  “Hey, why’d he give us four tickets insead of two?”

Peeved:  You can carry your own damn clubs.

allmoviephoto.com

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13 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Classic! I’ll send ya a bill for my keyboard. I was actually drinking a chug of coke when I got to the flashing tits reference and just sprayed coke all over the computer! 🙂 Let me know if two ever do make the show. Ought to make for great viewing!

Comment by TheIdiotSpeaketh

My boobs or the caddy/golfer dynamic? 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I love Scrubs reruns. I was on the Barry Goldwater team in 1964. We lost. I mean we really lost. Lost as in lost big-time. Then I got lost in flowers and those little orange things from the brightly colored smiling man at the park. “Once there was a way to get back home again…” I suppose I’ll have to go “… ask Alice when she’s ten feet tall.”

Comment by carldagostino

As far as I know golfing isn’t considered a team sport. Just have to say that.

Comment by tryityoumightlikeit

That’s what I say! Men. I’ll never be able to think like them.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Ew. That is one shiny, botoxed face up there.

And, a team that has only one person calling all the shots is a Dictatorship. Such teams may work for the short-term, but usually the voiceless rise up and revolt.

Caddies don’t revolt because the good ones make an ass-ton of money. They don’t need the jacket.

Comment by Amy

Yeah, I guess if I made a million bucks at the end of it, I’d let him think he was in charge. 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Have to agree with your husband to a certain extent. Sometimes the teams’ indecisiveness does them in. When there are only two people it’s hard to reach consensus. It’d be interesting if they tried threesomes for one season (I was all serious up until that threesomes thing and then 12-year old mind kicked in). That’s be real interesting (italicized).

Maybe you and Old Man Peeved can continue this “conversation” via text. Then you’ll have another post.

Made me laugh. Good stuff.

Comment by mc6pack

Glad I could make you laugh. Three people on a team and you always have someone left out. Brings back bad memories of my sister, me and “our” best friend growing up.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Ok, I am dying over here! I want to do the Amazing Race with my husband. It would make for good TV ratings as well! Also, on the Michael Kors thing, I am so with you on his taste factor! I am sitting there yelling at the TV, “NO, NO, No self respecting woman would ever where that unless they are a drag queen!”… wait maybe he is looking for ideas for Halloween in North Hollywood?

Comment by apieceofthepiehole

Seriously. The only one with worse taste is Nina Garcia! 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Based solely on this conversation, I think you SHOULD take your husband with you on Amazing Race. The hilarity! I’d totally watch.

Boys. They never learn…

Comment by 36x37

Or, maybe they do. They know how to get things… 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved




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