Filed under: Parenting | Tags: annoying, children, drive me up the wall, grating, halloween, hip hop zombie, mother, nervous breakdown, peeve, pet peeves, pre-teen, sarcastic, twilight, vampires, vent
Biggie and I volunteered at the PTA pumpkin sale on Sunday. To attract customers to the sale, she dressed up as a vampire and danced around the roadside with a sign.
Biggie: So, wouldn’t it be cool to have a vampire as your kid?
Biggie: Why not?
Peeved: Because then you could torture me for eternity.
Biggie: No. I could only torture you for the rest of your life. You’d still be mortal.
The other upsides to having teenage vampire offspring?
- You wouldn’t have to worry about them getting hurt.
- You wouldn’t have to pester them to make their bed (they don’t even need beds).
- You wouldn’t have to feed them (and if you did, they could order the kid’s meal for eternity).
- You wouldn’t have to worry about them getting sunburned.
- You wouldn’t have to drive them everywhere (they could just run everywhere real fast).
- They don’t stand in front of the mirror for hours looking at themselves and dancing (ha – they have no reflections).
- You wouldn’t have to pay for orthodontia – so what if that canine sticks up a little bit?
- They can’t have pets.
- You wouldn’t have to worry about them getting pregnant. (My husband’s personal favorite.)
- The threat level of a wooden spoon would suddenly skyrocket.
22 Comments so far
Leave a comment