Perpetually Peeved


Putting the “I” in “Team”

I have a few guilty pleasures in life: good books, good wine, Tim Riggins and reality TV.  Don’t judge – Taylor Kitsch is actually almost 30 and when I say reality TV, I mean good reality TV.  No Jersey accents, wife-swapping or speed-engaging dating allowed.  Anything on A&E, Survivor, Amazing Race, Project Runway, some Real Housewives (NY & CA only), and maybe a dash of Bad Girls Club just because it makes me feel better about my potty mouth. While most of these shows are not ones I would want to find myself on (Hoarders, Intervention, Celebrity Rehab), I do often wonder what it would be like to compete on one.

Survivor is a definite no-go.  I don’t like people.  I would definitely not like people if I were stuck camping with them in the middle of a mosquito-infested forest with no air mattress, no deodorant, no toothpaste and no food.  Something tells me someone would end up in the fire and it wouldn’t be because they passed out from inhaling smoke.  Project Runway is also a no-go.   While I love to design and sew, I couldn’t sacrafice my own personal taste just to try and get a smile out of Michael Kors.  Have you seen some of the stuff he likes? 

Not to mention he is so botoxed it would take a qualude and a crane to get his cheeks to move. Seriously - are you constipated or smiling? (AP Photo)

No, dear readers, there is only one show I would want to be on.  The Amazing Race.  Travel around the world with your best friend and compete against other people?  I am so in!

*****

[lying on the couch watching football last night]

Peeved:  So, today, I was on my moms group online and there was this post about The Amazing Race and someone asked the question if you went on that show, who would want to go with you.  So, who would you want to go with you?

Mr. Peeved:  Um, let me think about that.

Peeved:  Well, I’m just asking because people were saying they would go with their sister, or their father, or their sister-in-law…  Would you go with your dad?

Mr. Peeved:  No.

Peeved:  One of your brothers?

Mr. Peeved:  I don’t know.  Who would you go with?

Peeved:  I said I would go with you.  Because you are pretty amazing and also the only person I know that would put up with my crap.

Mr. Peeved:  [laughing] Of course I would take you.  Why would I go with anyone else?

Peeved:  I don’t know.  Some of the people said they think it would be stressful on their relationships and they didn’t want to fight on national TV.

Mr. Peeved:  You just have to work as a team.  I think we would do great together.

Peeved:  You do?  That’s sweet, baby.

Mr. Peeved:  The problem people have with working in a team is that they don’t just let one person make the decisions.

Peeved:  What?

Mr. Peeved:  That’s the problem.  People think everything has to be equal in a team.  If they just let one person make the decision and then everyone else supported that person, they’d make a much better team.

Peeved:  That’s not really a team.  I understand having a lead and coming up with a strategy and sticking to it, but having one person dictate what the others do is not teamwork.

Mr. Peeved:  Yes it is.  It’s the only way a team works effectively.  It’s like a golfer and his caddy.  The golfer needs his caddy.  But, the golfer decides what they are going to do, confers with the caddy and then does it.

Peeved:  What?  I can’t even talk to you abou this. 

Mr. Peeved:  But, baby, you’d make a great caddy.  You always have my back.

Peeved:  Watch the game.

Mr. Peeved:  You could take your mom.

Peeved:  What?

Mr. Peeved:  Well, you’d be famous, that’s for sure.  Everyone would know your name.

Peeved:  No kidding.

Mr. Peeved:  Forget fifteen minutes, she’s good for at least 15 days.

Peeved:  Infamous, even.

Mr. Peeved:  They’d be like, “cut!” — No, really, “cut!” — “Ma’am, can you please stop talking now?”

*****

I don't think I'd make it past Boston without trying to slit my wrists with the clue envelope. Photo from TVsquad.com

[later that night, lying in bed]

Peeved:  Do you really think a team is like a golfer and his caddy?

Mr. Peeved:  Yes.

Peeved:  That’s ridiculous.  The caddy just carries the golfers clubs around.  He doesn’t get a jacket if the golfer wins.  They aren’t a team.

Mr. Peeved:  You know what?  You go research it.

Peeved:  I don’t need to research it.  I’ve seen that Legend of Bagger Vance crap.  It’s not a team.  He doesn’t get a jacket.  No one even knows his name.

Mr. Peeved:  You don’t need name recognition and a jacket to be a good team player.

Peeved:  Ugh.

*****

Peeved:  I think it would depend on the task.

Mr. Peeved: What?

Peeved:  Who got stuck being the caddy.  I think it would depend on the task.  Like, you could be the golfer on any of the tasks that required strength, or fixing things, or building things, or eating nasty stuff.

Mr. Peeved:  Nice.  I don’t get to do any of the tasks that require intelligence?

Peeved:  Fixing things and building stuff requires intelligence.  It’s called engineering.

Mr. Peeved:  mmm-hmm

Peeved:  So, what kind of tasks would I be the golfer on?

Mr. Peeved: Oh, you know…  anything that had to do with sewing…

Peeved:  There is no sewing on Amazing Race.  Jackass.

Mr. Peeved: [stifling laughter] Okay, okay, anything that has to do with marketing or graphics…

Peeved:  Dipshit.

Mr. Peeved: [stifling laughter] Okay, for real?  You could lead the tasks that have to do with navigation – you’re good at that, you know giving directions.  Puzzles, showing your tits to get us in to places…

Peeved:  Nice.

Mr. Peeved:  No, really, they can get us stuff.  “Excuse me sir, I need two tickets to Sri Lanka, stat…”  “Ah, for you Ma’am, sure thing!”  “Thank you”…  “Hey, why’d he give us four tickets insead of two?”

Peeved:  You can carry your own damn clubs.

allmoviephoto.com




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