Perpetually Peeved


And the loser is…

Here is what is wrong with our society. Driving in to work this morning, they had a contest on the radio.  In order to win the contest, you had to guess the answer to the following question: 

According to recent poll, besides food & money, what’s the #1 item you’d like a lifetime supply of? 

Hmm... Books? Well, no, because you basically get that at the library. Although, I do loathe to return them (as is evidenced by my $30 overdue balance).

I know, I know!!! SHOES!!!! Yes, please. Third wish on the genie lamp for me... unlimited shoes!

 No?  What else do I need in life besides good books, money, food, and shoes?  I’m stumped!  Okay, let me think what the average person would say…

I got it! Gas. As much as we'd like to hold out hope, I don't anticipate those corn cars going into production anytime soon. And, while we're at it, can I get a little full-service as well?

Not it?  Okay, I guess I’m being too practical.  Let me think more on the level of the average American.  Ah, yes, that’s my problem – I’m not being materialistic enough!

Fancy clothes?

Diamonds?

Enough sports cars to make Jay Leno drool? And enough accompanying vanity plates to make John Mayer cry?

 

...electronic pets? Toys?

No?  Hmm…  well, maybe I’m underestimating people.  What else is not a food, not money, but you would want an unlimited supply of?

BINGO! Skymiles...

... Embassy Suites rewards points?

... Unlimited admission tickets to aquariums, museums, parks and zoos throughout the world?

No?  Okee Dokee, not interested in traveling or learning about nature, other cultures or history. 

I give up.  Please, just tell me.  WHAT would Americans want a limitless supply of besides food and money?

 
A: Cable TV service! 

Yes, folks.  This is the problem with our society.  Forget A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, these people are only interested in A Potato Grows on the Couch. 

Which, is probably why they sell these at Toys R Us.



Read my thoughts: Leave me alone

I have always been an avid reader.  I devour books like Kirsti Alley eats cupcakes.  I constantly have a stack on my nightstand and my reading list gets appended every month when my Bookmarks magazine comes in.  I have the Kindle app on my iPhone and wouldn’t buy a house unless it had a place for my “library.”

Aahh... books.

I know I have a lot of rules – I am a very list-centric, organized person (in my mind, at least).  So, with an obsession as major as reading is to me, I have another corresponding set of rules of appropriate book/reading conduct.

  1. Don’t talk to me while I’m reading.
  2. Don’t ask me what I’m reading. (I’m not reading anything, because you have very rudely interrupted me and now I have to deal with you.)
  3. Don’t ask me if I’ve gotten to the part where BLAH BLAH BLAH happens. (No, actually, I haven’t and now you’ve just ruined it for me.
  4. Don’t tell me it was a great book – especially the “twist.” (Now that I know there is a twist, it won’t be as good or as shocking because I know to expect it.)
  5. Don’t borrow any of my books without asking. (Somehow you managed to select the one book I haven’t read yet that is next on my list.)
  6. Don’t forget to return the books you have borrowed.  (I don’t care if it takes you three years to read it and there are chocolate fingerprints on every other page – I want it back.)
  7. Don’t tell me the movie is not as good as the book. (It never is, so why do you keep hoping?.)
  8. Don’t write in books you borrow from the library.
  9. Don’t pick your nose while reading a book you borrowed from the library. (A – that’s gross; and B – I don’t want to have to flake it off with a knife because your lugey is blocking an important passage.)
  10. Don’t move my book without marking my place first.  (This is grounds for the SL! and you don’t want to be on my SL, trust.)

What I’m reading next (so you don’t have to ask).




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