Filed under: Grammar and Spelling, Media | Tags: annoying, batting practice, bp, brevard county, brevard county manatees, brian kilmeade, drive me up the wall, fox & Friends, grating, hitting rehearsal, ironic, kyle smith, manatees, media, minor league baseball, nervous breakdown, news, oil spill, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, shaggy, take into effect, vent
Department of Torture operatives snuck in through the bathroom window again last night. Yes, folks, I woke today to Shaggy interviewing some moron about something completely inconsequential to the world at large. A Brevard County minor league baseball team has changed the name of “batting practice,” which they commonly refer to as “BP.” The team will now be warming up at “Hitting Rehearsal.” I could not make this up if I tried. The interview progressed in a fashion such that I got confused and thought maybe I was still sleeping and had started mixing Fox & Friends with Dumb & Dumber in my dream-like state. Here is what I THINK I heard…
Shaggy: So, dumb jock that managed to somehow get a job running a minor league baseball team, Mr. Smith, you are changing the name of “batting practice” to “hitting rehearsal” – what made you come up with this decision?
Smith: Well, the way it came about was ironic, I was going over the schedule for “BP” and at the same time a news item about the BP oil spill came on. And, I thought to myself, we need to change the name of batting practice.
Shaggy: So, you thought that by changing the name of batting practice you could make an impact on…
Smith: We just wanted to show our support, we are worried about the impact that the oil spill may have on our beaches here in Brevard County.
Shaggy: Now it is “hitting rehearsal” – is that right?
Smith: Yes, we started calling it that today.
Shaggy: [condescending laugh] Do your guys get dressed up for it?
Smith: Huh?
Shaggy: What if a sponsor that had the name “inning” were to be involved in a scandal? Would you rename that? Would you call it “passage of time?”
Smith: Well, we just wanted to show our support. We didn’t take into effect what we would do if a sponsor was involved. BP is not a sponsor.
Blah, blah, blah, [condescending laugh], yada, yada, yada.
Okay, folks, let’s ignore the tedious, “I’m going to try to make myself look smart by making you look stupid”-ness of Shaggy. Let’s focus on the real peeves here…
STRIKE ONE:
Maybe the guy was too young to remember the Alanis Morrisette lesson in irony. Pay attention, Mr. Smith: If it was completely random that BP was on the news, if you wouldn’t have expected them to be on the news, then maybe ironic would have been an appropriate descriptor of the situation. However, BP is so in the news that your ridiculous name change is even making it onto a national broadcast. Moreover, you manage a baseball team. It is not an uncommon or unexpected occurence for you to be looking at a line-up for batting practice. Therefore, “coincidence” is the word you are looking for here, not “ironic.”
STRIKE 2:
Ah, the old, use a phrase with the wrong word. Forgive the pun, but this drives me absolutely batty. “Take into effect” is the most nonsensical word misappropriation I’ve heard in a long while. Pay attention, Mr. Smith: The phrase is “take into account” – it means you didn’t consider it. Apparently, you didn’t take into account how stupid you would look on national television if you misused a phrase.
STRIKE 3:
You are the manager for the Brevard County Manatees. There is a serious environmental and economic matter that is affecting a large portion of your country. No one gives a shit what you call your batting practice. Why don’t you do a fundraiser you fecking nimrod?
Off to do some batting practice hitting rehearsal on my TV. Hope you all have a great day and find it in your heart to donate or do some other helpful piece for the crisis in the Gulf.
Filed under: General Peevery, Media | Tags: annoying, bad boss, bloodsucking, drive me up the wall, eclipse, Edward Cullen, emmy, fox & Friends, freshly pressed, grating, hot topic, Jacob Black, kool-aid, mebuilding, mother of the year, nervous breakdown, peeve, pet peeves, pulitzer, rob pattinson, sarcastic, scientology, Stephenie Meyer, taylor lautner, team edward, team jacob, the secret, the short second life of bree tanner, twighlight, twilight, vampires, vent, wordpress
I was going to write on a completely different topic today, but I was waiting for the coffee to brew and decided to check my mail first. Here is what I found:
And, there I was off in the middle of a tizzy, running to go get the coffee.
I could have been in a fit because of it’s Twilight-related. However, I gave up on that a long time ago. The Twi-hards are mostly young impressionable girls and – let’s face it – Rob and Taylor are kind of hot (in a jailbait sort of way). Biggie is totally Team Edward and I’m resigned to it. I even waited outside of Hot Topic for 3 hours at the butt crack of dawn to get Biggie tickets to meet some of the lesser-known cast members. Mother of the Year award is hanging in my office. Thank you.
What threw me into a tizzy is a culmination of Fox & Friends, the mebuilding douche, a couple of Bad Bosses I know, and the Borders email. Who are these people? Where do they come from? How do they get to be successful? They aren’t anything special… no Emmys or Pulitzers in their future that’s for certain. So, how do these people with mediocre talent – at best – find themselves in positions of influence? I’m convinced it must be Scientology or the Secret.
What’s the Secret? I’m afraid to look at the website or the book too long, but I think it is the power of positive thinking. Making things happen in your life through thought. Well, I’m sorry, no matter how much Stephenie Meyer tells herself she can write – it ain’t working. I understand that she’s supposed to be writing for young adults, but I read everything Biggie does and this, folks, is drivel in comparison to almost all of it.
Yet, some poor shmucks are going to have to go to work at 11:30 at night and deal with three-hour lines of drooling teenagers so that she can make millions more.
This happens in real life too… we’ve all had that boss. You know, the one where you ask yourself at least two times a day, “How the hell did that dumbass get that job?” He’s the one that steals your ideas, takes credit for your work, can’t figure his way out of paper bag but is charged with running a department. How did he get that job? He told himself he deserved it. Then he told the hiring agent he deserved it. Could it really be that simple?
The mebuilding guy is 30. He’s lamenting on Twitter that he’s older than the Discovery Channel… yet, he thinks blogging about his path to change is going to empower people and affect “millions” of people’s lives. And, apparently WordPress seems to want to help him. Can I get some of that Kool-Aid? Of all the fabulous writing and content on this blogging network, that’s what gets featured?
I feel seriously depressed and repressed. I’m going to do a search for my local scientology center. I’m going to start telling myself how great I am. Maybe then I’ll get a promotion, a freshly pressed tag, a book deal and an appearance on Fox & Friends. Geez, I feel dumber already.
P.S. Stephenie – your momma spelled your name wrong!
Perpetually Peeved 