Perpetually Peeved

Biggie and I volunteered at the PTA pumpkin sale on Sunday.  To attract customers to the sale, she dressed up as a vampire and danced around the roadside with a sign.

Biggie:  So, wouldn’t it be cool to have a vampire as your kid?

Peeved:  No.

Biggie:  Why not?

Peeved:  Because then you could torture me for eternity.

Biggie:  No.  I could only torture you for the rest of your life.  You’d still be mortal.

*****

The other upsides to having teenage vampire offspring?

• You wouldn’t have to worry about them getting hurt.
• You wouldn’t have to pester them to make their bed (they don’t even need beds).
• You wouldn’t have to feed them (and if you did, they could order the kid’s meal for eternity).
• You wouldn’t have to worry about them getting sunburned.
• You wouldn’t have to drive them everywhere (they could just run everywhere real fast).
• They don’t stand in front of the mirror for hours looking at themselves and dancing (ha – they have no reflections).
• You wouldn’t have to pay for orthodontia – so what if that canine sticks up a little bit?
• They can’t have pets.
• You wouldn’t have to worry about them getting pregnant. (My husband’s personal favorite.)
• The threat level of a wooden spoon would suddenly skyrocket.

Come to think of it, Biggie would rather be a zombie...