Perpetually Peeved


Wednesday “What the…?”

Yesterday was full of weird stuff I didn’t have pictures of.  Today, I’ve got proof.  It’s the weird, wacky, wondrous, Wednesday “What the…?” – Enjoy, folks.

1.  What the… are you trying to say?

That might be hard to read, let me tell you what it says.

          XXXXXXXX@YAHOO.COM

          Is this a valid email address for you (for your protection, the email address has been partially masked)?

Um, there is no X in my email address.  So, by partially masked do you mean completely obscured?  WTF Your Security Levels Are So High You Even Tell Me I Got My Father’s Middle Name Wrong On The Security Questions?

2.  What the… are you wearing?

Have you ever been going through old photographs and come across something that makes you go WTF?  Well, here’s a classic case.  Even Smalls is trying to figure out what’s going on there.  I guess stereotypes have to come from somewhere.  WTF Mr. I Buy My Outfits Out Of a Catalog Called DING!DING!DING!?

3.  What the… is that?

I sure hope they’re paying you.  WTF Hello Krazy Kitty?

4.  What the… kind of school do you go to?

(driving home from school yesterday)

Biggie:  Aren’t you going to ask me what new Connections (this is a fancy word for electives) I got today.

Peeved:  Sure, but the last 3 times I asked you, you told me you didn’t know yet and to stop asking you.

Biggie: Well, I got Music Appreciation and Family and Consumer Science.

Peeved:  Family and Consumer Science?  That sounds cool.  What’s that?  Budgets and stuff?

Biggie:  No.  You cook stuff and you get to carry around an egg and stuff and, like, pretend it’s a baby.  It’s really cool.

Peeved:  You mean you got Home Ec.

Biggie:  No, it’s called Family and Consumer Science.  Home Ec is, like, when they teach you budgets and stuff.  They don’t call it that anymore, Mom.

Peeved:  Family and Consumer Science?

Biggie:  Yes.

Peeved:  Where’s the science in it?

Biggie:  Cooking is science.  And, so is having babies.

Peeved:  Sounds like Home Ec to me.

Why does everything have to have a fancy name now?  It’s no longer English, it’s Language Arts.  It’s not Gym, it’s Exercise Science.  WTF Fancy Pants School – Why Don’t You Try Teaching Them How Eggs Get Fertilized Now That You’re Calling It Science?

5.  What the… kind of backwater town are you from?

 
 

This is what you get when you cross a mullet with a helmet bang.

 

 When wearing flip-flops with pants and no pedicure is the least offensive thing you’ve got going on, you’ve got issues.  WTF Ms. I’m So Country Even My Hairdo Is Inbred?

6.  What the… is wrong with you?

Some days, I wish I had one of those jobs that don’t do random drug testing.  You know, like pizza delivery guy, waiter, Xfinity writer, garbage man.  Either someone likes to wake and bake, or they have a sick sense of humor.  WTF Is Afroman Doing As My Garbageman?

I’ve got $50 that says the owner of the gold Toyota would, in fact, jump off a bridge if all of his friends did first.  WTF Doublemint Douches?



Friday “the fa…?”

Okay, so I’m a total slack-ass and missed Wednesday “what the…?”  Readers (all 2 of you, you know who you are) can now stop stalking me for posts.  I’ve got plenty of stuff for you today, folks.  Get prepared for Friday “the fa…?” – it’s like Wednesdays, only better.  Remember that song by C&C Music Factory?  Start humming it.  Okay, now substitute “hmm” for “the fa?”  Now, keep that on in the background.  Here we go:

Actual nutritional label on the back of a can of mixed nuts.

In other news, coffee is hot and if you are allergic to shellfish you shouldn’t order the crabcake po’ boy.

This is what happened to all those dirtbags who used to smoke pot in the commons in high school.  Xfinity has locked them in a room and tasked them with writing movie previews.  The saddest part?  This is probably the most entertaining thing on television.

The following Friday “the fa?”s have been brought to you courtesy of a trip to the “country” (an hour and a half outside the big city) for some pumpkin picking and apple frittering…

Yep, I think this one speaks for itself.  If it doesn’t, pat yourself on the back you are a better person than me.

There is only one place this outfit would be even marginally acceptable: a walk for breast cancer.  A monochromatic jogging suit? A PINK monochromatic jogging suit?  Head-to-toe pink? A jogging suit to a family outing?  Replete with spring-action PINK Nikes?  Monochromatic sweats are not slimming.  They make you look pregnant when you are not.  They are not appropriate under all but the smallest of circumstances. At least it’s not velour (*cringe*).

When Just for Men goes bad...

Maybe he was just trying to be festive.  Or, maybe he was hoping the bozo haircolor would distract people enough to not realize he is carrying his wife’s purse.  At least, I hope that’s his wife’s purse.  Can you say “pumpkin-whipped?”

I will be blowing this up, cutting it out and hanging it on my wall for the Halloween party.  I like to call her “Frankenmom” – that hair puts Kate Gosselin to shame.  To shame.

Pumpkin roll, anyone?

Um… I think you put the emPHASIS on the wrong sylLABLE, or something like that.

Happy Friday y’all!




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