Perpetually Peeved

Sit. Stay.

Yesterday, I was at the deli counter at Whole Paycheck Foods.  I was patiently waiting to get my 1/4 pound of roast beef, talking to Smalls.  When the deli man came over, I looked up and there was a man standing in front of me (where’d he come from?).  Deli man says, “Can I help you?” And, D.B. Line Cutter points at me and then points at the deli man as if to say, “hurry up and order.”  So, I politely say, “Oh, yes, I was waiting, thank you.” You can guess at what I not-so-politely said in my head.

I proceed to order my cold cuts and then before the deli man can turn away to slice my beef, DB says, “While you’re getting that, could you please get me a pound of Genoa salami too.”   UM, NO.  Not your turn, bud.  What kind of emergency situation could there be that you have to cut in line and piggyback on my order to get a pound of Italian deli meat?

I’ll tell you what kind… none.  Because when we went to check out a half an hour later,  guess who was in the same line as us?  DB.  Except, he decided he couldn’t wait for a cashier and he was going to self check-out.  He puts all his items through the scanner, runs his card and then freaks out.

Miss, miss, this thing is just stuck.  I ran the card and it just gave me this screen and it’s just stuck.  Just great!” Ranting, at the top of his lungs.  The card took 30 seconds to process. 30 seconds.

Coffee Table Cooking - it's the bomb!

[An aside here:  This is why we were at Whole Foods.  My genius husband thought to buy a small electric griddle so he could cook with Smalls.  This is my coffee table… on Saturday night, we had sliders with mushroom, onion, Gruyere and aioli.  On Sunday morning, we had pancakes and sausage.  On Sunday night, we had 6 different kinds of sausages from Whole Foods, cooked fresh in the griddle, sliced up and paired with cheese — all while watching Season 1 of “24” on Netflix.  My husband, man GENIUS.]

I don’t have a lot of patience.  I’ll be the first to admit that.  And, I suck at picking lines.  Don’t ever let me pick the line if we go shopping together.  Inevitably, I will have someone in front of me that needs 50 separate transactions, can’t find the exact change (but needs to count it 10 times to be sure), and will eventually try writing a check when they haven’t been pre-approved.  If I’m in a hurry, I don’t get in line behind someone with a cart full of stuff.  It’s common sense.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at the supermarket doing a “big shopping.”  I left the STAs at home and was enjoying my shopping at a nice, leisurely pace.  I had everything in the cart organized – frozen foods with frozen foods, canned goods with canned goods – you get the picture.  I was placing my items on the belt in a specific order.  The order I wanted them to be bagged in to ensure when I got home, I could put the groceries away before the ankle-biters started in.

I’m about half-way through unloading my very full cart when the lady (actually, let’s call a spade a spade – the bitch) behind me grabs a divider, puts it right up against my cereal boxes and starts loading up her groceries.

Her hands were not full.

My cart was not nearly empty.

The store was not on fire.

What. The. ?  Where the heck am I supposed to put the other half of my cart?  Do you really think you’re going to get there any faster if I have to try and cram my stuff into the rapidly decreasing foot of space I have to put it in?

Now, I don’t have a lot of patience.  I admit that.  But, even a dog can be taught to wait 30 seconds for a treat.  Can’t we all be civilized here?  Next person that cuts me in line is going to get, “Sit. Stay.  Good Bitch.”

I realized I probably just insulted dogs the world over. Sorry pooches.

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