Filed under: General Peevery | Tags: annoying, christmas, drive me up the wall, grating, mother, nervous breakdown, parenthood, parenting, peeve, pet peeve, pet peeves, regift, regifting, sarcastic, vent
Christmas is over, the goose done got fat, and you can tell which presents weren’t such a big hit by the fact that they’re still under the tree. Yes, all of my decorations are still up. Let’s just blame that on an unfortunate series of events and not my overactive lazy gland.
I learned how to re-gift from my mother. She’ll recycle just about anything. When Biggie was a baby, she pulled out the clothes from the late 70s… um, thanks mom. Another time, I was eating ravioli in what I thought was a brown sauce…
Stepbrother (let’s call him Stepdoucher – more on that another time): What are you eating?
Peeved: Ravioli in brown sauce. Mom made it for me.
Stepdoucher: Ew. I bet it tasted better last week when it was ravioli with red sauce.
Peeved: [spit, cough, choke] What??
Mom: Oh, stop. It’s fine. I re-worked it.
Last year, her and AJenda had a ridiculous re-gift exchange that went something like this: AJenda buys overpriced bowl set from one of Mom’s hairbrained catalog schemes. AJenda is pissed that she paid so much money for what she thought was a set of stacking serving bowls big enough to hold chips. Turns out, they are big enough to hold about two handfuls of peanuts and a couple of MnMs. AJenda regifts the bowls to Mom for her birthday – “I thought they would look nice in your house.” Mom, in turn, regifts the bowls to AJenda for her birthday 10 months later – “I felt bad, you ordered them and they go so nice with your house – I hardly used them.” You can imagine, this did not fly with AJenda. Come Christmas, there was a familiar looking package under the tree with Mom’s name on it. My mother, who is the queen of Christmas shopping at Big Lots and Kroger but expects her own gifts to come in small packages and sparkle, just says, “this better not be those damn bowls.”
Alas, this year, there was no reappearance of the damnbowls and Mom did a great job of picking presents.
Mom: You girls really liked your presents?
AJenda: Absolutely, the scarf is lovely.
Peeved: Yep! I liked mine, too. My favorite was the little change purse that looked like a vintage purse.
NotBonJovi: My favorite was the sweatpants! Thanks Ma!
Mom: Ha! I just want to let you know that out of all the gifts, only two are regifts… the scarf and the little purse!
Peeved: Well, your regift skills are improving! Thanks Ma!
Later that night NotBonJovi went to put on his sweatpants. They were a little short. They were a ladies XL.
For those of you that care where I’ve been for the last three weeks, it went something like this:
Dec 17 – 22: Last minute Christmas shopping and decorating the house.
Dec 23: Bieber! Smalls gets the gift of a stomach bug that keeps on giving.
Dec 25: Blessed temporary reprieve from illness and a white Christmas in the South – thank you Santa.
Dec 26: Peeved gets the gift of a stomach bug that keeps on giving. Mr. Peeved gets it, too. You know, just to keep things fun.
Dec 27 – 29: Netflix! There is a reason some movies go straight to video.
Dec 30: Sickie remnants, but must clean house and go food shopping for company coming over.
Dec 31 – Jan 2: House guests!
Jan 3 – 4: Actual work in the office. (How do I do this again?)
Jan 5 – 8: Trip to NY for Grandpa’s funeral. (Even stuffing my face with pizza and bagels couldn’t make me feel better – believe me, I tried.)
And, now, I’m home and work was cancelled today because we have a blizzard (READ: 3 inches of snow). I’m about to improvise some sleds, but thought before I do, I better take a moment to check in and give all of you your Christmas presents. It’s a regift, of course:
- When good intentions go bad
- Mission: Accomplished
- You can’t handle the truth
- So there I was…
- Revenge of the Mom
- Rollin’ in my 5.0
- How to get blood from a stone