Perpetually Peeved

Edward Cullen almost got me knifed

So, I’ve admittedly read all the Twilight series and have seen the movies.  Biggie is a huge fan, so I HAD to, right?  Well, my sister, let’s call her aJENda…  somehow coerced me (READ: bought the tickets and told me I’m going) into going to the Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse movie marathon last night.  Seven. Hours. Of. Twitardedness.  On a Tuesday night.  Not only did I not get home until 3 in the morning, I think I lost a brain cell for every time Jacob took his shirt off.  I’m plum out.  Thank goodness for Wake up Wednesdays and aspirin. 

After grabbing some to-go drinks (Red Hot Ryes – yum) and heading to the theater, we arrived to find there are absolutely no rows with 4 seats left together.  Except for two.  The very first row, where you would have to sit with your neck craned like Rainman for 7 hours and the row of empty seats that a woman is “holding” for her friends.  Really?  First of all, there not really your friends if they send you to the movie early to save seats all by yourself.  I bet you’re the designated driver a lot, too.  Secondly, no way in hell I’m sitting like Dustin Hoffman with a mental disorder for seven hours.  Why do people think it’s okay to do things like this?

So, we do what any normal loud-mouthed bitches would do.  We get the manager and stand in the corner telling her off while she negotiates with said manager.  She tries stalling, “I ordered popcorn, where’s my popcorn?”  Who gives a crap, now move.  “They’re outside buying tickets.”  The show is sold out, nice try.  “They’re actually still in the car, turning into the lot.”  Bitch, please.

So, there she goes… to the front row.  Victory!  Except, she’s kind of staring us down.  All of a sudden I feel like we’re in a scene from Real Houswives of New Jersey.  She is totally Danielle.  We are the cute ones.  Her friends arrived 20 minutes after she moved.  One of them was a dude.  He must really want to get laid. 

I digress.  Okay, so a couple of buckets of beer, some of this:

I need to go to confession... surely, if anyone would be sympathetic to jail-bait thoughts...

a bunch of dirty looks to the grown-ass woman talking to the screen (“Bella – Noooooooooo!”  when she kisses Jacob) a quick nap (what, the last movie didn’t start ’til midnight and I’m getting old dammit!) later, it was time to go to the bathroom.  dun! dun! dun!  I brought my bottle with me, just in case.  But, alas, no skirmish.  They must be saving it for the parking lot.

Which was precisely why we hightailed it the heck out of there once the screen went dark.

So, near-fatal knifing incident, 3 hours of sleep and a Heinekin hangover — was it worth it? 

If you’re Team Edward (or, a pedophile) it was.

[And, yes, those are real screenshots from last night.  And, yes, I texted them to Biggie to rub in the fact that I got to watch Eclipse first.  I was on a Counter-Torturism mission!]

%d bloggers like this: