Perpetually Peeved

Today’s post will be a public service announcement.  I don’t have a celebrity tweet-tard to star in this post, but go with me here and imagine that little *ding* “the more you know”…  at the end, k?  Ready?

IF YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM (EVEN IF YOU JUST PEE) WASH YOUR FREAKING HANDS!

I was in a public bathroom last night and three, count them three, people left the restroom without washing their hands.  I wanted to put my child in a bubble and never let her touch anything ever again.

*****

PEEVED:  Don’t touch that!

SMALLS: Why, mommy?  I need to hold onto the rail so I don’t fall down the stairs.

PEEVED:  Hold my hand instead.

SMALLS: Why I can’t touch the rail Mama?

PEEVED: Because people poop and they don’t wash their hands and then they touch that rail.

SMALLS: Ew – so there is poop on it?  Yuck!  Why don’t people wash their hands?

PEEVED:  Because they are dirty, filthy ingrates.  You don’t want to be a filthy ingrate do you?

SMALLS: What’s a fiffy inrate?

PEEVED:  It means you don’t wash your hands after you go peepee and poopy.

SMALLS: No, I’m never going to be a fiffy inrate.

PEEVED:  Good.

SMALLS:  Do I get a reward for that? (READ: Zhu Zhu Pet)

 *****

HAND SANITIZER IS NOT TO BE USED AS A REPLACEMENT OF SOAP, WATER AND A GOOD SCRUB.

A woman I used to work with was notorious for not washing her hands after using the restroom.  She insisted that she used hand sanitizer instead.  Instead?  Would you let a surgeon operate on you if he simple let alcohol evaporate off the surface of his palms “instead” of scrubbing in?  I think not.

*****

[work gathering for birthday cake]

PEEVED: I’m going for the chocolate (loading it on my plate)

FILTHY INGRATE: I’m going for key lime.  Can I smell yours?

PEEVED: (WTF?????)

FILTHY INGRATE: (pulling my plate towards her nose) Mmm… smells good.

PEEVED:  Well I guess I’m not eating that!

FILTHY INGRATE: Why?

PEEVED: Because you just got your hair all over my cake.

FILTHY INGRATE:  Well, I just washed it this morning.

PEEVED:  That doesn’t mean I want to eat it.

*****

So today’s lesson kids – BUY YOURSELF A BUBBLE AND DON’T LET PEOPLE SNIFF YOUR CAKE.

Happy Friday.

Funny, I don't see them mention HAND SANITIZER anywhere...