Perpetually Peeved

We interrupt this program

Today’s post will be a public service announcement.  I don’t have a celebrity tweet-tard to star in this post, but go with me here and imagine that little *ding* “the more you know”…  at the end, k?  Ready?


I was in a public bathroom last night and three, count them three, people left the restroom without washing their hands.  I wanted to put my child in a bubble and never let her touch anything ever again.


PEEVED:  Don’t touch that!

SMALLS: Why, mommy?  I need to hold onto the rail so I don’t fall down the stairs.

PEEVED:  Hold my hand instead.

SMALLS: Why I can’t touch the rail Mama?

PEEVED: Because people poop and they don’t wash their hands and then they touch that rail.

SMALLS: Ew – so there is poop on it?  Yuck!  Why don’t people wash their hands?

PEEVED:  Because they are dirty, filthy ingrates.  You don’t want to be a filthy ingrate do you?

SMALLS: What’s a fiffy inrate?

PEEVED:  It means you don’t wash your hands after you go peepee and poopy.

SMALLS: No, I’m never going to be a fiffy inrate.

PEEVED:  Good.

SMALLS:  Do I get a reward for that? (READ: Zhu Zhu Pet)



A woman I used to work with was notorious for not washing her hands after using the restroom.  She insisted that she used hand sanitizer instead.  Instead?  Would you let a surgeon operate on you if he simple let alcohol evaporate off the surface of his palms “instead” of scrubbing in?  I think not.


[work gathering for birthday cake]

PEEVED: I’m going for the chocolate (loading it on my plate)

FILTHY INGRATE: I’m going for key lime.  Can I smell yours?

PEEVED: (WTF?????)

FILTHY INGRATE: (pulling my plate towards her nose) Mmm… smells good.

PEEVED:  Well I guess I’m not eating that!


PEEVED: Because you just got your hair all over my cake.

FILTHY INGRATE:  Well, I just washed it this morning.

PEEVED:  That doesn’t mean I want to eat it.



Happy Friday.

Funny, I don't see them mention HAND SANITIZER anywhere...

22 Comments so far
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Ack. Thank you for this!

A woman I work with went to the movies one night, and told me this story afterwards. She was waiting in line, and went to use the restroom before the show. Another gal came out of her stall at the same time, fluffed her hair, checked her makeup, and strolled out. Without washing.

When my co-worker finished washing, she walked out only to find said filthy ingrate standing with her boyfriend/significant other and sharing popcorn out of the same container. Coworker walked right up to the guy and said “I can’t believe you’d share your popcorn with someone that doesn’t wash her hands after using the bathroom.” And walked away.

She said the look on the guy’s face was priceless,and the words he used on the girlfriend were very colorful and varied.

Even if you don’t think you got any on you…. WASH WASH WASH every time! Yech.

Comment by Brea

THAT is awesome! And, one of the reasons why I don’t like to share food with people.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Have a problem convincing your kids? Here’s a little bedtime story that should scare the crap out of them ….

Comment by frigginloon

Jesus Christ on a Unicylce! That is going to give me nightmares! My kids were watching that show on Animal Planet: Monsters Inside Me.

Smalls asked me: But Mommy, how did that worm get inside her eyeball? So I said (totally honestly): She didn’t wash her hands after she pooped.

Then, she asked me: But Mommy, how did that guy get those bugs in his leg? So I said: He didn’t brush his teeth every morning.

What? You gotta use what you can!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Ingrates came from all over the world to settle America. Haven’t you ever heard of the first ingrates, the Pilgrims? Haven’t you ever seen that inspiring picture(I have it as a plate next to our Italian flag by the pictures of Caesar and Mussolini in the dining room to remind us of our ingrate past)? It has the parents with the mother holding the girl and the boy next to his father on the deck of a ship coming into NY Harbor in awe of the Statue of Liberty. I think it is a Rockwell Norman painting. I’d say it was about 1910. It bring tears to my eyes to see how the ingrates WASHED THEIR HANDS of everything in the Old Country to come to America and be ingrates. We are all ingrates except the Native Americans. Everyone should be proud of and celebrate their ingrate heritage like our people do on Columbus Day! We even invite the peculiar people down the street that ingrated from California.

Comment by carldagostino

You’re a mess D’Ag. Where do you come up with this stuff?

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Poor hand hygiene amongst health care staff in Britian was a major cause of hospital acquired infections. A huge education drive was mounted starting 3-4 years ago and has worked… it’s just the fceking dirty patients and their families that we need to clean up!

Comment by davehambo

That scares me. I’m always creeped out when I see the signs in restaurant bathrooms that say, “Employees must wash hands before returning to work.” You have to remind them? Really? That’s gross.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

Oh yes, and signs on the corridor and ward walls invite you to ask any staff member when they washed their hands last…

Comment by davehambo

Same place you do. Try to be Dave Barry style, another Miami boy by the way. Trying to get on tnb, waiting answer. Thank you.

Comment by carldagostino

How about this one:


Comment by carldagostino

I just puked in my mouth a little. No burgers for me for a while.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I see this ALL THE TIME.
There’s such a wide disparity between the people who scrub their palms until they’re bleeding and brush their teeth at work after lunch, and then there’s the people who flush the toilet by touching the handle, and don’t wash their hands.

You’re right about the sanitizer too. Just because the shit is sterile doesn’t mean you want to eat it.

Comment by writerdood

Yeah, piss is sterile… are you gonna drink it? 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I’ve actually said to strangers coming out of public restroom stalls…especially at decent restaurants (because I’m less likely to get shot there)… “Um, are you forgetting anything?” And most of them will actually go back and wash their hands. I shame them into it!

Comment by Scott Oglesby

I love it. Maybe I’ll get up the balls to try it one day.

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I agree, reading articles like the following,
really, really takes the fun out of eating outdoors. And washing hands after a bathroom visit is an absolute minimum in hygiene and good manners.
But the whole HACCP mania, is taking it a bit too far sometimes. As gross as it might be… if food processing becomes too sterile, and we virtually never encounter bacterias again… we won’t have much of an immune system anymore.

Comment by Gruff Guano

That is nasty. I agree, don’t want completely hygenic food, but don’t want to touch your poop either. 🙂

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I think your spot on with this rant. Just be glad you don’t have to watch patrons of the men’s bathroom where the soap often will have dust and cobwebs on it.

Comment by slamdunk

I don’t even want to think about men’s bathrooms. I mean, you TOUCH your privates and don’t wash your hands??? I hover and still wash my hands!

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

I hate the whole no handwashing thing. I always tell bratchild pretty much the same thing-that if she insists on touching everything in public she could be touching other people’s pee and poo.

Comment by amyblam

My bratchild will just start laughing every time I say poo. She thinks Grumpy Bear saying, “I’ve been doing double duty all day” in the Carebears movie is just about the funniest thing ever. 😉

Comment by perpetuallypeeved

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