Filed under: General Peevery, Parenting | Tags: annoying, don't smell my cake, drive me up the wall, grating, hand sanitizer, i don't want to eat hair, nervous breakdown, peeve, pet peeves, sarcastic, vent, wash your hands
Today’s post will be a public service announcement. I don’t have a celebrity tweet-tard to star in this post, but go with me here and imagine that little *ding* “the more you know”… at the end, k? Ready?
IF YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM (EVEN IF YOU JUST PEE) WASH YOUR FREAKING HANDS!
I was in a public bathroom last night and three, count them three, people left the restroom without washing their hands. I wanted to put my child in a bubble and never let her touch anything ever again.
PEEVED: Don’t touch that!
SMALLS: Why, mommy? I need to hold onto the rail so I don’t fall down the stairs.
PEEVED: Hold my hand instead.
SMALLS: Why I can’t touch the rail Mama?
PEEVED: Because people poop and they don’t wash their hands and then they touch that rail.
SMALLS: Ew – so there is poop on it? Yuck! Why don’t people wash their hands?
PEEVED: Because they are dirty, filthy ingrates. You don’t want to be a filthy ingrate do you?
SMALLS: What’s a fiffy inrate?
PEEVED: It means you don’t wash your hands after you go peepee and poopy.
SMALLS: No, I’m never going to be a fiffy inrate.
SMALLS: Do I get a reward for that? (READ: Zhu Zhu Pet)
HAND SANITIZER IS NOT TO BE USED AS A REPLACEMENT OF SOAP, WATER AND A GOOD SCRUB.
A woman I used to work with was notorious for not washing her hands after using the restroom. She insisted that she used hand sanitizer instead. Instead? Would you let a surgeon operate on you if he simple let alcohol evaporate off the surface of his palms “instead” of scrubbing in? I think not.
[work gathering for birthday cake]
PEEVED: I’m going for the chocolate (loading it on my plate)
FILTHY INGRATE: I’m going for key lime. Can I smell yours?
FILTHY INGRATE: (pulling my plate towards her nose) Mmm… smells good.
PEEVED: Well I guess I’m not eating that!
FILTHY INGRATE: Why?
PEEVED: Because you just got your hair all over my cake.
FILTHY INGRATE: Well, I just washed it this morning.
PEEVED: That doesn’t mean I want to eat it.
So today’s lesson kids – BUY YOURSELF A BUBBLE AND DON’T LET PEOPLE SNIFF YOUR CAKE.
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